Get Your Pretense On!

Chapter 4: Put Off, Renew, Put On • 99

you have, and to what you are called in Christ. (It is essentially about forming new habits of soul!)

This is extremely difficult to do in our society, largely because of the way we define what it means to be real and authentic. We have been taught in our society that, whatever you happen to be feeling or experiencing, you must admit it, live into it, display it. To be authentic is not that you ignore how you might be feeling or thinking at any given moment. Rather, you must admit it, welcome it, and announce it to others. And, when you do this, you are “keeping it real,” “not being a phony,” “not feeling one thing and acting like another thing” and so on. Authenticity is equaled with being true to the feelings, and refusing to go anywhere different than what they are suggesting right now. All attempts at seeing emotion as the result of thinking is gone . Real living is admitting and embracing the feelings, no matter how gruesome, false, or weird they may be. This is why we have such a strange and tragic mix of human interactions in our marriages and families today. If a child feels that they no longer want to live a certain way, then the parents should respect the feelings and let it be. If a spouse comes to feel that all love and cherishing of the other spouse has escaped, then s/he should embrace the feeling, and seek relief in either divorce or an affair. If you feel trapped in a job situation or responsibility that no longer provides joy and fulfillment, even though others might be dependent on you, you are no longer obligated to continue. The primary motivation must always be to be true to one’s own heart and feelings , the sign of true authenticity. Is it any wonder that so many have been so confused for so long?

Over against this orientation toward authenticity demonstrated by consistent actions with our feelings , the Scriptures argue for a