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Shame. When boys in elementary school are already hearing phrases like “toxic masculinity” and seeing TV shows like Homer Simpson where dads are bumbling fools, they begin to feel ashamed they are male. By junior high, as they hear that they are part of the patriarchy that develops rules to benefit men at the expense of women and that fathers are often “deadbeat dads,” many feel ashamed they were born male. Fertility. Female college graduates do not wish to marry and have children with male college dropouts, nor with males in unemployment lines or who live in their parents’ basements. National Security. Federal Reserve Chairman, Jerome Powell, revealed on CBS’ “60 Minutes” in 2019 that the peril posed by young males not looking for work, being addicted to drugs, and being unprepared for the transition to technology is not just an economic problem but also one of the top two national security problems. 7 What are the primary causes? The causes are multifaceted, and each facet mag nifies the others. However, more than any other, the boy crisis resides where dads do not. Boys who are dad-deprived are predominantly in developed or wealthier nations. 8 Why? In more prosperous countries, the need to survive is low, allowing for a greater luxury of choice—the choice to divorce—which often means minimal dad involvement and the choice for a mom to have children without being married to the dad. Thus, 40% of U.S. women who have children do so without marriage. 9 When the government in wealthier nations plays the role of substitute husband by subsidiz ing the single mom, this can reinforce dad

deprivation. In all these cases, sons are less likely to have a same-sex role model and, as boys, have less propensity to express their feelings, especially to dads they seldom or never see or who aban doned them. The result is a weaker nuclear family without the three crucial contributors to children’s emotional security: moms, dads, and faith. When I did the research for The Boy Crisis , I discovered that both boys and girls who are dad-deprived suffer on more than 50 metrics, but boys, without a same-sex role model, experience the deprivation more intensely. For example, by age nine, dad-deprived children have shorter telo meres (specific DNA-protein structures), which predicts a 14% shorter life expectancy; however, the telomeres of the dad-deprived boys are yet again 40% shorter for the boys than the girls. 10 Boys without the boundary enforcement of a dad often fail to develop the resilience they need to succeed. They are more likely to be high school dropouts and unemployed, to bully and be bul lied, and to lack both trust and empathy. 11 Also, they are five times as likely to do drugs. 12 These boys are rejected by girls, disrespected by boys, feel like failures, and experience isolation. They are hurt boys. Boys who hurt us are hurt boys. Almost all school shooters are dad-deprived boys and/ or have suffered from extremely high-conflict families or divorces. 13 About 85% of our prisoners are dad-deprived. 14 The young man who recently used his car to kill 14 people in New Orleans had been isolated and angry at his divorced parents, his own three divorces, and the resulting debts he could not pay. 15 He was hurt, and he was outraged. Anger is vulnerability’s mask.

WARREN FARRELL

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christian counseling today VOL. 28 NO. 1