Math IA

“What else could it be?” Byron breathed. They looked on in shock as the figure stared at them through the window.

“Let me in, why don’t you?” it squawked indignantly. Bonnie slowly opened the door and it tumbled in, before standing and ruffling its feathers, affronted, and opened its beak to speak. “An ostrich? How dare you call me an ostrich? I, my petty and insignificant humans, am an EMU! The greatest bird to ever grace the Earth, let alone Australia! And you compare me to an ostrich? You may as well compare a common cane toad to a majestic frilled-­neck lizard! An ostrich, my word…” Byron stared uncomprehendingly at the emu, too dumbfounded to reply, while Bonnie’s prior uncharacteristic panic flared up for the second time that morning. The emu looked back at them, waiting for them to speak. “Well, where are your manners? Aren’t you even going to ask for my name?” Of course, we could continue this story by saying that both Bonnie and Byron were so confused that they couldn’t bring themselves to respond, but that doesn’t make the story very interesting, now does it? Byron recovered first. “What…what is your name?” he asked, trying and failing to sound more confident than he felt. After all, it isn’t every day that you meet a talking emu. “Why, I am Eddie the Emu of course! You must have heard of me.” Eddie puffed out his chest and did a twist, knocking over the few surviving cups on Bonnie’s counter on the way but not seeming to care. Bonnie then realised that she had been so caught up in what was happening, that for the last five minutes, she hadn’t worried even for a moment that she was missing work, that her perfectly constructed daily routine had officially been well and truly disrupted. In fact, she was almost enjoying it. The unexpectedness. The speed. It reminded her of rollercoaster rides she had been on when she was a kid. I’m going crazy , she thought. Little did Bonnie know, Byron was thinking the exact same thing -­ contrary to popular belief, it is almost impossible for two people to be thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time, but the pure absurdity of their situation was enough to render this fact null. “What are you doing here?” Byron asked hesitantly. “Look for yourself,” Eddie said carelessly, pointing to the window. I’m not quite sure how an emu can be careless, but I’m not sure how an emu can talk either, so let’s continue. Bonnie stumbled over to the closest window and ripped back the curtain to see what was ahead. In the near distance she saw a cliff with a rather quick drop. With a jolt, Bonnie tore herself away from the window, dazed. “Byron, I have to tell you something” Bonnie stumbled across the speeding caravan towards the shocked vegan. “Listen, don’t freak out but-­” “Oh no, what is it oh my god-­” “Listen, we’re approaching what looks like a.. Uh, well, I think it looks like to me -­” “What! What is it?” But Bonnie didn’t have time to tell Byron exactly what this matter of urgency was, because the matter of urgency was upon them, in the form of a closely approaching cliff. The road narrowed, the rocks got larger and sharper and far more threatening -­ this is how we know we’re approaching a climax.

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