Borealis 2015-2016

6. They need friends who are compassionate. Talk up the things you love about them. There will be times that people with anxiety will feel like they are their anxiety, and that they’re a source of difficulty. Specifically, I’m talking about when plans have to be changed, when you need to book a few rows back from the front row, turn the radio down, or take the long way home. If this is the worst you have to deal with in a friend, sign me up. 7. Their character isn’t defined by their anxiety. We all have our limits, but people with anxiety are just more aware of theirs. Despite this, they’re constantly facing up to the things that push against their edges. That’s courage, and people with anx- iety have it in truckloads. They’re strong, intelligent and sensitive — they’ll be as sensitive to you and what you need as they are to their environment. That makes them pretty awesome to be with. They can be funny, kind, brave and spirited. Really, they’re no different than anyone else. As with everyone, the thing that trips them up sometimes (their anxiety) is also the thing that lifts them above the crowd. 8. They don’t always react to their anxiety the same way. Anxiety can be slippery. Sometimes it looks the way you’d expect anxiety to look; other times, it looks cranky, depressed or frustrated. Remember this and don’t take it personally. 9. They know their anxiety doesn’t always make sense — and that’s what makes it so difficult. Explaining that there’s nothing to worry about or that they should “get over it” won’t mean anything, because they already know this. Be understanding, calm and relaxed and above all else, just be there. Anxiety feels flighty and there’s often nothing that feels better than having someone beside you who’s grounded and available to go through this with you without trying to change you 10. They don’t need you to change them. You’ll want to give advice, but don’t. Let them know that to you, they’re absolutely fine the way they are and you don’t need to change them or fix them. If they ask for your advice, then go for it. Otherwise, let them know they’re enough. More than enough, actually. Just the way they are.

11. They’re trying to control their environment, not you.

The need to control everything that might go wrong is hard work for anxious people, and it also might make you feel controlled. See it for what it is: the need to feel safe and in control of the possibility of anxiety running the show, not the need to control you. You might get frustrated, and that’s OK; all rela- tionships go through that. Having compassion doesn’t mean you have to go along with everything put in front of you, so talk things out gently (not critically) if you need to.

12. They’re extremely grateful for you.

Anyone who sticks around through the hard stuff is a keeper. People with anxiety know this. Noth- ing sparks a connection more than really getting someone, being there, and bringing the fun into the relationship. Be the one who refuses to let anxiety suck the life out of everything, and know you’re a keeper. Yes, you are. Know that they’re grateful for everything you do and they love you back. Jordan Annis 1.24

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