Trafika Europe 13 - Russian Ballet

Igor Sakhnovsky

meaning of life,” if he intends to go on living it? Nothing , he answered himself. And he doesn’t plan to . The final decision required an hour and a half, which he spent in the bathtub, closely examining his hands, feet, the hair of his belly, as though he were seeing them for the first time. Then, drying himself off closely, he came up to the old mirror in the hallway, gazed into the pupils of his eyes and said: “I don’t want to.” If a man has decided to die, he must act tactically and sensibly. Failure in such an action is the equivalent of disgrace. He had already chosen an entirely acceptable means – a lethal dose of a tranquilizer, which he will obtain from the kitchen cupboard. Easily available and painless. One only need to fall asleep, to turn oneself into nothing, and the chemicals themselves will silence the superfluous heart muscle. He will do so in the morning, without any gestures of farewell. When, towards the following night, the mother returns home, everything will be finally settled. Only one thought scared him: indeterminacy. No one will know, or even understand the reason for his suicide. Everyone will judge in proportion to their own vulgarity – this is inevitable. But that entirely no one , not a living soul? Horrifying. And just then the boy remembered his uncle, a close but neutral person, who will understand everything and will definitely

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