PTFL materials

Emotional- or Limiting Patterns, Trauma’s and Iron Boxes

The Comfort Zone Human beings like comfort and seek to avoid distress (Freud’s pleasure principle). We can imagine that we have a bubble around us, which we call our “comfort zone” We always try to balance ourselves in such a way as to minimise distress. If we want to learn something new we need to expand our comfort zone. Expanding it is uncomfortable and can produce anxiety and fear. Our comfort zone is an inner balance we create to prevent our system from over exposure to painful experiences. Emotional or Limiting Patterns To maximise our potential in dealing with others we need to learn to fully use our facilities for emotional- and social intelligence. Since the skills related to emotional intelligence are largely learned it makes sense to look at how we learn our specific ways of responding to our environment. Our formative years (0 to 7) are called formative because the learning we do during that time is shaping us. We are literally establishing a network of neural pathways that – though not written in stone – will mark out our habitual mental routes. Our experiences during that period will become the blueprint of our notion of ‘normality’, including the blueprint of what we experience as normal in how we relate to others. Learning is not a passive but an active process; we grasp the world around us interiorize it and make it our own. We can develop Limiting Patterns in response to unmet basic needs: If our developmental needs are not met at the right time it stretches our comfort zone too far and we need to find a way to cope with the fear, anxiety or pain caused by the unmet need. We are born with a very immature brain which implies not only that we are dependent on others for the provision of our environment but also that we have changing needs as we develop. E.g. a new born needs to be completely taken care of whereas a two-year-old needs more than just being

accommodated, he also needs clear limits, in order to feel safe. We can distinguish the following basic needs: (Pesso et. al.) Place, nourishment, support, protection and boundaries.

If our basic needs are not met and if we are exposed to situations for which we are not ready, or if our comfort zone is stretched too far (or not far enough), we learn to contract, brace or block in order to cope.

We then develop coping patterns, which we call limiting or emotional patterns . We can also see them as survival strategies. They are called ‘limiting’, not because they are negative but because they limit our choice of learning and coping strategies. Parenting is of course an important topic here and Winnicott’s notion of ‘good enough parenting’ is a helpful one. ‘Good enough’ means that the child is not being stretched too far outside its comfort zone and can cope without having to lose the connection to its needs. Limiting patterns manifest mentally in the form of set attitudes and physically in the form of chronic muscle tensions or muscle blocks. Limiting patterns shape our comfort zones. We are often not aware of our limiting patterns.

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