Escapees May June 2015 Demo

she gives you some sign she is willing to proceed further. She may do this by seeking you out at the campfire or asking you over for coffee or to go for a walk. She may need a little more time to get over her hurt feelings and/ or to trust your good intentions. If She is Not Interested If she accompanies you for a walk but is not interested in continuing your friendship, you may need to take a step back and revisit the original conflict. Ask her if the disagreement means you cannot be friends. You may need to agree to disagree about the issue you argued about. Once you have decided that is an accept- able solution, she may be able to see that your friendship is important to her as well. It is important in these conversations to be patient and kind; remember that each of you moves through life at your own pace and you may have simply reached this stage ahead of her. She may catch up if you can respect her process as well. Make Amends If there is something you did in the previous conflict for which you owe her an apology, such as name calling or criticizing her or a loved one, for example, apologize and make amends to your friend. It is important to take responsibility for our actions in relationships. Only when this is done can you move beyond the conflict and renew your closeness. Take Care of You Repairing a relationship is hard work. While it is usually worth the effort in the end, while you are in the process of this work, it can be discouraging at times. Your self-esteem can take a hit. Be sure to take care of yourself by seeking support from others you know you can count on (other friends, your partner) for positive support. Be sure, also, to give yourself a pat on the back for the good work you are doing. You will likely be rewarded by a return to your previous close friendship.

likely share a number of interests, including camping, and developed a closeness because of the time you spent together enjoying each other’s company. If your friend is receptive to renewing the relationship, your efforts are rewarded. If she is not, you can at least know you have done all that you can to preserve and maintain the relationship. The ability to take responsibility for our actions in a relationship, to make amends and to work to improve a friendship are qualities that make us an even better friend. No matter what happens, you can take pride in your efforts. You are a true friend.

If It Doesn’t Work If you’ve been patient and she has responded by walking and talking politely with you, but you can’t seem to get back the closeness you once had with your friend, you may need to let it go. Some people have a hard time letting go of past hurts and you are probably not the first friend she has lost because of this issue. At this point, you can rest assured that you have done everything you can to try to keep her as a friend, but you may be better off put- ting your efforts into new relationships. It is a good idea to try to repair a friendship after a falling out. You were drawn together for a reason; you

Have a Question? If you have a question about this article, or if you have a mental health issue you would like to see Diane cover in Escapees magazine, you can contact her by e-mail at diane@bluewaterspublications.com.

Diane is a therapist in private practice who works extensively with clients on stress management and relationship issues. She and her family are also avid RVers. Her articles are meant to provide information of a general nature and are not intended as specific psychological advice or to take the place of consulting with a health care professional.

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