The Gazette 1981

GAZETTE

SEPTEMBER 1981

Separation may not be the consequence if more time could be given to the underlying reasons for the problem which has arisen. A marriage counsellor can and does give the time which the busy legal practitioner cannot give without damaging the interests of other clients and of his or her own practice. Marriage counsellors are trained to assist people in viewing their situations objectively, so that any decisions are made with more confidence that they will be acceptable in the longer term. A counsellor can also support a client through a difficult period in his or her life, as for example, during the time it takes to obtain relief from the Courts. Therefore, the plea is that solicitors should be at all times conscious of the role that a marriage counsellor might play in a possible family breakdown case, and be aware of the location of the nearest available marriage counselling service. Council) Two conditions seem to be common to most people when they are under strain, .particularly emotional stress of a personal nature. One is that they fail to see the wood for the trees and they lose their sense of perspective; the other is that they tend to seek a one-shot solution, one single act or event that will cut the Gordian knot of personal tension. I imagine many solicitors are familiar with the client who persists in reciting the copious details of a recent incident, which does very little to illuminate the necessary background upon which a professional judgment must be based. There may be also an unreal belief in the existence of legislation, tailormade to fit a particular situation, which will enable the practitioner to respond immediately and effectively, to wave a metaphorical magic wand. The role of the marriage counsellor is to help people regain their sense of proportion and to help them consider options before making a decision. Through reflective discussion, the counsellor encourages the client to approach the same situation from different aspects, the better to understand the contributions made to its development by the client himself or herself and by other significant members of the family. Comparison with previous and subsequent experience often results in the emergence of tentative patterns, which can be used later in thinking about options to predict possible reactions. This process may take place at a number of levels, and the counsellor is striving all the time to work at the level of feelings. Sometimes unconscious resistance by the client means that other modes of expression have to be worked through before a useful discussion of feelings can be achieved. The aim is to secure aceptance without striving for understanding — identification and acceptance by the client of his or her own feelings as well as acceptance that others may legitimately experience contrasting emotions. The counsellor participates as a real live person and has opportunities to model calm acceptance of reactions that are not readily understandable. If the client appreciates indirectly that feelings are human responses for which we are not always responsible, that feelings are influenced by many factors, both innate and learned, he or she is in a A Marriage Counsellor's Comment (by a Counsel lor with the Catholic Marriage Advisory

Matrimonial Problems

Counselling — Another Option?

A Solicitor's Comment (by a practising Solicitor who is also a mariage counsellor) A LL practitioners are conscious of an astronomical increase in the number of marital problems where legal advice is sought. This is shown by the great increase in matrimonial cases coming before the courts. As lawyers, we are faced with a dilemma when dealing with such cases because the pressure of work and time precludes the care and attention needed to promote the welfare of the whole family. In the interests of our own practices, we cannot afford to spend a disproportionate amount of time on cases which are often financially unrewarding because of the particular social circumstances. I think it is the experience of most lawyers dealing with this type of work that frequently a client who requests a legal separation is in reality pleading for help to sort out a problem which has evolved in the marriage. If a solicitor's letter issues, a process is started which makes it more difficult for the parties concerned to reconsider their positions and to work towards a reconciliation. For this reason, it is important for the solicitors acting for each of the parties not to start the legal process or to permit the legal process to continue, unless the circumstances of the case clearly leave no option and each solicitor is satisfied that his client truly wants to bring about the consequences of such legal process. It is remarkable how many people will reconsider the breaking up of their marriages if they are made aware of the consequences, particularly if they are the party who may lose custody of the children or who may be barred from the family home. On the other hand, it is obvious that there are cases where it is vital that the legal remedies available be obtained as quickly as possible, for example, to save the parties inflicting injury on each other or where there is little, if any, prospect of reconciliation. At the heart of the dilemma is the time-consuming nature of the work. As a profession, there is one danger which we must guard against — the danger that through our actions a family may be broken up unnecessarily.

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