journal d'une transition

243

… I feel hemmed in by the mental projections of a “logical development”; adversity is well marked, and there seems to be so little room left for Your Grace…! I yearn to perceive an open present, towards a virgin future, offered to the Lord… And it is painful to hear, to feel, to think those formations already made, those reactions and responses all set and ready to be enacted… … At night I walked slowly back to Matrimandir: it is so incredibly beautiful and present… A presence which remains, I guess, still intangible to many, being at once so rapid and so still, discreet, like a power generating plant silently active; no artefact and yet such fullness… The entire world is strained, contradictions are being faced all over the earth… and we do not understand that we still carry the seeds of them until we break through, not in an uncaring super realisation, but in a truer materiel position and awareness… … Having lit the candles, we turn to each other, part the new shyness away and, gently, with much care, we meet again… *24-9-1979, Auroville: We are doing a general clean-up of the site, split in two teams; the carpenters arrive and sit back in the store-room awhile; then, Joss and Cristl join them, and it all begins! G.M goes to them and requests them not to worsen the situation by imposing themselves; Joss replies “You cannot legally prevent me, but you can try to do so physically”, provoking and evoking violence and at the same time making it clear that he has now joined the side of the legal owner of Auroville, the SAS, with all its rights… We realise then that Joss has brought more men along, mainly members of “integrated families”, but also Ravi and Jayaram. And we soon see them all moving towards the structure. We move quickly ahead of them, avoiding the trap of physical confrontation; but for once in my life, I do feel ready and willing to get to that if need be… G.M goes at once up onto the ramp and begins to remove the temporary planking, in one big burst of energy: it is brutal, but it is also beautiful, and I feel he is embraced in Matrimandir’s arms as he throws the planks over the side… Andy and Phil help me to remove an entire ladder from the access tower… By that time people from “Aspiration” and “Jaïma” have come to help, we remove all the other accesses, put away all the planks; we work all day. Till I find myself again squeezed into the French atmosphere – noisy, uncontrolled and yet irresistible… When C.E and I return here at the end of the day, we are soothed and uplifted by the queenly radiance of the eve, the fields spreading the youth of their green all the way to the low hills in the distance, the living transparency of the air kissing the budding life all over in a sweet game of light and shade and colour – the delight of being here, come home, to its peace and welcoming secrecy, sheltered in Your Grace… … I go to P.G, determined to see now that his leg heals; I clean it thoroughly, apply ointments, and ask him to give me 3 days of doctoring him and making it go right… … We are paying for our mistakes, for our own little lies, taking the lesson of it. Perhaps the first such “mistake” dates back to that time when Piero, prodded by SSJ, made the carpenters “Aurovilians”, just so that they would remain at Matrimandir under his control… … When I move upstairs for the night, I find that C.E has laid some tiny roses and some jasmines on my pillow…!