journal d'une transition

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be quite keenly aware of all the obstacles and conflicts! In Narad I find a sort of rigid mental orthodoxy, while M.H seems to be much more plastic and directly intuitive, without ever loosing the key-points, more psychic and more perceptive than he is despite his emotionalism…

*7-12-1979, Auroville: Savitra has started today to settle himself in the big room and do his writing…

*8-12-1979, Auroville: I am too extreme. As I cannot bear anymore all this useless talk, this endless verbiage, this noise we make, this incontinence, I withdraw; and I withdraw too much and with too much feeling; and then I am stuck! I don’t know anymore how to share, how to rejoin the others…! My own lack of consecration glares at me most painfully! It is ten years of this life since I first saw You! *10-12-1979, Auroville: Emerging from my afternoon nap, I find that V has returned… Savitra is at work… I spend the afternoon working quietly with the trees, seeing the mason’s work, feeling grateful for the harmony that is rising along with this new house for C. V goes to see C.E and when she comes back, she is holding a painting he has just finished, the most beautiful and dense he has ever made, I think, incredibly rich and luminous… *11-12-1979, Auroville: The postman brings us a bundle of registered letters from the SAS, addressed to each of us by name. They list all the points that make us undesirables here: not obeying them, nor respecting them as the owners of the land and the holders of the Auroville Project… and we are asked to explain in writing, within ten days, why we should not be expelled from the country… I tear off mine at once… … We talk about Iran: both P.G and I have been very moved by Bani Sadr’s intervention, by sincerity in it… *12-12-1979, Auroville: Annappa, my dear Annappa, has come! He has brought two friends. He tells me of his new life on his farm with his wife and their two children… I insist that he must come every month for a few days and he seems to see the good sense of it… V takes care of everybody, and her assuming this role so naturally makes it kind of official, yet… I still do not know! … V and I have a late lunch in Pondy, at “La Maison”… Not far from us, H is seated with his eyes closed; I first feel that there is a possibility of friendship there; then I become aware of a certain influence acting on the way I feel, on my sense of security in my experience of things and of contacts, as if it all became distinct, even alien, to the point of dissociation; it is a subtle movement, most difficult to put into words… … I walk down to the sea and sit there on the low wall, at my usual place, watching the waves and the sky, the dark dense masses of clouds arriving slowly from the