Trafika Europe 9/10 - UK in Europe

JayMerill

whole thing was like a crisis and I had no idea at first of what I’d do. A sobering thought: After a long period of quiet reasoning I came to see my need to escape from the house was not hinged entirely on my fear of the other inhabitants. Well not in the obvious way at any rate. What I mean to say is that even if I wasn’t threatened at the obvious level because they no longer thought of me as the victim I was still very much at risk. If you spent too long with any given set of people there was a chance you could end up just like them. That idea I found terrifying and I saw I really did have to get out as soon as I could or suffer the consequences. So, the upshot was I was still very intent on my former

plan, if you could call it a plan. In fact it wasn’t really a plan, especially as I had no alternative in mind and just consisted of a surreptitious taking of the possessions I had to the local charity shop. It seemed to take ages to clear the room. I never realised I’daccumulatedso much stuff. But, as I see it now, this is what happens. Stuff encroaches, it flows over. You never notice it happening. You suffocate – and yet in a way this doesn’t seem all that unpleasant. You feel kind of comfortable with the mess, ensconced in your little rat’s nest kind of thing. But it wasn’t for me. Slowly, gradually, my room got less crowded and I saw myself at last, alone inside it. Lying on

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