Trafika Europe 9/10 - UK in Europe

JayMerill

night I tossed and turned in my bed and got hardly any sleep. Because this was crunch time wasn’t it. The hour I’d been aiming for was now quite visibly on the horizon. I didn’t at all like the idea that I might turn out to be one of those types who get cold feet. But then I decided to go easy on myself. There isn’t any point in beating yourself up over who and what you are. If I was a shit scared bunny rabbit of a guy well I’d have to learn to live with that. Wouldn’t I? Wasn’t this what this whole experiment was about? Finding out what I was and being that thing despite all the odds. Next morning I got up fairly early and went down into the kitchen. The whole house were already assembled. Why

was that? Oh yeah, they had jobs to get ready for. This was the morning scramble to make tea and a bit of toast before leaving the house for the day’s honest toil. They all stared at me when I came in the door and not too pleasantly. I tried my best smile but it was too early in the morning for them to take. I could see that, plus I felt them thinking, It’s alright for him . Their feelings of resentment about my relative freedom fell off them like scales. But that did it for me. It was the final, not so gentle, hint. I didn’t know when I would go, and perhaps I’d have to psych myself up for a little while longer. But I knew I was definitely going to vanish. Which was a welcome thought. ______

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