Lime Tree Journal - April 2018

Jokes

A man entered the barber shop and asked “how long will you be?” “About an hour” replied the barber. “Okay, I’ll come back” said the man who then left. He didn’t return until the next day when he entered the doorway again and asked “how long will you be?” The barber had six customers waiting and said, about an hour or more. “Okay, I’ll come back”. When the prospective customer did this every day of the week and never returned as he always promised the barber became in- trigued and asked his apprentice to follow him. “Tell me where he goes” he said. The apprentice was back in five minutes. “He goes straight round to your place” he told the barber! The boss demanded to know where he had been. “I’ve been for a haircut” “You can’t have your hair cut in office time” “Why not?” It grows in office time” “Not all of it” said the boss. “So I didn’t get it all cut off” he replied . The barber was late for work. While shaving that morning, he talked himself into a shampoo and hair tint. “Alcohol is your trouble” said the judge. “Alcohol alone is responsible for your present predica- ment.” “Thank you judge” said the drunk “Everyone else says it’s my fault” A married couple, Freda and Fred, had been successfully smuggling native birds out of Australia to the United States for years. Freda suggested they could double their earnings by smuggling some American wildlife on the return trips. “For example” she said “I’ve got a squirrel here and I am going to hide it by stuffing it down the front of my pants” “And this is for you Fred” she said, handing him a skunk. “That will bring big money in Australia. Stuff it down the front of your trousers” Fred protested “what about the smell?” Freda shrugged her shoulders. “If it dies…. It dies!” He said: “Doesn’t this dance make you long for another?” She said: “yes, but he couldn’t come tonight” A Desperate looking gangster settled into the chair after telling the dentist he needed a tooth pulled out. “Which one is it?” “That’s for you to find out” growled the tough guy. “I ain’t no stool pigeon”.

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April 2018 | Volume 11 | Issue 4

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