The Gazette 1987

GAZETTE

APRIL 1987

do it for you. Anyone starting mediation, or thinking of doing so, should be prepared for this."

about your future lives, and the lives of your children, and it is up to you, and only you, to make decisions in what you think are your interests, and theirs. These will be your decisions and it does not matter whether I might have made different ones, in your place. How long will the process last? "Between four and eight ses- sions is normal. Either of you is free to terminate at any time, and if I think you are not going to be able to reach agreement, and that you would be wasting my time and your money by con- tinuing, I will say so. " I t isn't always possible for a couple to reach final agreement, that can last indefinitely. For ex- ample, if they have young children, changes, both in finan- cial arrangements and in "paren- t i n g " , may have to be negotiated from time to time. A couple who have gone through mediation may be able to handle re-negotiation without help, but will be welcome to come back to mediation if they get stuck in their re-negotiations. The end result "If agreement is reached on all the issues we discuss, I will prepare an informally worded note of it, for your approval. Most couples then ask their Solicitors to draw up a formal agreement, incorporating the agreed points. Indeed, this may be essential, especially if further documentation is needed, or if, for example, a house has to be transferred into a different name, or sold. "The piece of paper that you ap- prove and bring to your lawyers is the tangible result of your work. I hope you may gain an in- tangible result, as well. "This is an improved understan- ding of your own and each other's needs and wishes, some acceptance of the situation, somewhat less negative feelings towards each other and an in- creased ability to look to the future, and get on with your

that they are not tempted to stick with it too long. I also want to receive a not too derisory reward for my services. My document then continues: Making it Work "We will start out by trying to identify the areas of dispute. Financial support; where you will each live; continuity with your children when you are no longer sharing a home; and how to divide assets, are among the topics we may spend time on. We will look at each topic in turn, understand the issues, and see what you each need and whether you can reach agree- ment on it. " If you do reach agreement, it will be a barga in that you both find acceptable. That means that you will have avoided getting "It is much harder work to negotiate your own agree- ment; with or without help, than to leave it to lawyers or others to do it for you. Anyone starting mediation, or thinking of doing so, should be prepared for this." " In our work together we will focus on the future, not on the past. Each of you may feel very strongly that the other is to blame for what has happened in your lives, and may want to tell me about the other's past behaviour. Try not to. It is no part of my job to judge either of you, or to apportion blame. It is part of my job, as I see it, to help the two of you to move on, and to focus on your future lives, and I will discourage recrimina- tions about past behaviour, and discussions of past events, unless they seem to me relevant to the present and the future. "What you actually agree in the course of mediation, or even if you fail to reach any agreement, is up to you. I may make sugges- tions, but we will be talking into a situation, as in the Courts, where there must be at least one loser.

I then go on to list the ground rules under which I work, in com- mon with most mediators. The main ones, which are set out and explained at more length in the Introduction, are: 1. All discussions are 'off the record'. Since mediation is a 'without prejudice' process, the content of mediation discussions should not be referred to in Court. 2. The mediator will not be in- volved in any litigation between the parties, or called as a witness. 3. The mediator meets the couple together and will talk to them separately only if he thinks it is necessary and they both agree. (This may make his work harder than if he kept them apart and acted as a go-between, but experi- ence suggests that a go-between is less likely to produce lasting and satisfactory agreements than a mediator who brings the couple together and helps them to see their conflicts as problems needing joint solution.) 4. It is essential that there should be full and bona fide disclosure of all relevant information. (This can be one of the most difficult rules to enforce.) 5. The last of my rules protects the right of both parties to seek in- dependent advice, particularly, though not exclusively, legal ad- vice, during the process. My document goes on to outline arrangements with my clients about fees. I charge clients a fee per hour and am paid at the end of each session. If husband and wife are both earning, they will normal- ly share the fee fairly, and this may be both the first time in months they have agreed anything and their first step towards agreeing a total package. I do not charge a standard hourly rate, but relate my charge to their income. I aim not to add to the financial crisis that faces most separating couples and at the same time, since mediation should be a brief process, to charge enough so

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