Nov-Dec-2015_Pg 11_no bleed

the Holiday Entertaining issue

Family (Dis) Functions by Pableaux Johnson

W hen it comes to family gatherings, the year-end holidays — Thanksgiving and Christmas — probably have the highest stakes. Traditionally, they act as the big-ticket reunions with far-flung cousins, dress codes and plenty of heightened expectations. They are a time of togetherness, good times, and Family with a Capital F. Problem is that the modern Family Feast is a lot more complicated than it used to be.Where there used to be garden-variety arguments among uncles, now we’ve got second marriages and smartphones complicating the familial mix. The good news is that once you recognize these changes, it’s possible to update your approach with a few real-life tweaks. So if you’re playing holiday host this year, take heart. Early Research: Lay of the land Once you’ve got a first draft of your guest list (it will change), it’s time for a little bit of pre-feast footwork. After you make a list, check it twice, then call the Family Gossip for a little bit of advanced intelligence. This person can be a treasure trove of information about the latest ripples in family politics. The Gossip (bless his/ her heart) will know the current lay of the land regarding family realities (long-standing feuds between uncles, pending graduation dates) and a wealth of other info (who said what to whom, etc.). Pay particular attention to three groups — the Elders, Teens, and

Babies— the rest of the folks can pretty much take care of themselves. And while you’re at it, cross-reference your party schedule with important sports events and baby naps. If you’ve got wiggle room in your schedule and dedicated fans in attendance,time shift accordingly. Pre-Feast Truce Armed with a basic psycho-emotional inventory, you’re in the perfect position to head off problems at the source. Just about every family enters the holiday season with a couple of historical beefs and some annoyance on the side — that’s just natural. And it’s JUST as natural for the host to keep said turbulence at bay during the festivities. The solution? Try to negotiate a few hours of truce to keep communal stress to a minimum. Have aunts who relive the LSU/ Alabama rivalry every time they see each other? Loud cousins who’ve nursed a Richter scale grudge for 40 years? Bring in the big guns (any grandparent, Sweet Aunt Lula, your brother-in-law who used to work for the State Department) for this one. Split Shifts Since stepfamilies are a lot more common these days, it’s routine for many folks to have double the amount of “command performances” during a given holiday season. If sleep-deprived new parents have to schlep their newborn among four sets of grandparents on a single day, the logistics can take a toll on everybody. At a certain point,

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MY ROUSES EVERYDAY NOVEMBER | DECEMBER 2015