with Sri Ganesh

this case, there could hardly be more differences between two individual human beings. Besides the large age difference, our racial, cultural, developmental and experiential backgrounds were so far apart they were almost alien to one another. Thus the only common references we would be able to find were the ones that our shared present would provide us with, till we could build together some shared understanding as well. In keeping with this evolution, the choice has been made, first by me and then by both, to keep nothing “hidden”, but to let everything show itself for what it is. And the process of undergoing collective awareness and its various judgmental postures is still active. But the wager is that only truth can eventually lead one to where one wants to go – nothing else but truth can do that. And lastly, this – totally unexpected for me – brutal discovery made me question myself perhaps with a heavier hand than was called for and I had to wonder about the “failure” of my life and the absence of any substantial progress, for what could have caused such blindness in me but my own arrogance, and what could have led him to such treachery but a misplaced childish attempt at play-acting the hero, while in fact being possessed by a very destructive energy… I had to wonder again – and more extensively – at the singular juxtaposition in my entire life of a curse and a grace. Always there has been this curse below this grace. With time, the Grace grew and seemed even to make use of the curse for progress, but the curse never really let go and acted in so many underhanded ways all through, and was not this present issue another illustration of its persistent cunning…? And so, yes, this blow did affect me, in a number of ways, not least in the confidence I had in my relationship to Sri Ganesh; and this will show in the ensuing months as I struggled to retain or recover some genuine inner space of perceiving.

(Written in July 2015, while preparing the records of 2013 to 2015 for publication on the site)

*****

- 04-07-14:

... P. is already waiting for me at the gate when I arrive and we then sit in front of the shrine, for him to “confess”...

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