The Gazette 1975

Presidential Address (27 November 1974)

Dublin". She found that the majority of husbands who leave their wives work in skilled or semi skilled occu- pations, marry in the 20/24 age bracket and desert in the 25/34 age group. The most common reason for the break up of marriages is lack of communication, followed by problems relating to drink, sex, irrespon- sibility and adultery. It was rather surprising to see that 4 1% of the women interviewed would like to remarry if they could. About a third of the women said things had begun to go wrong from the beginning of the marriage. Over half that number had courted for long periods and later found marriage a disappointment as their hus- bands became completely different persons. Slightly over a third of the women reported sexual excesses on the part of the husband and the general impression was that the persons interviewed regarded sex as part of the overall relationship and not to be engaged in or enjoyed otherwise, or of using it as a bargaining weapon to persuade their husbands, for example, to stop drinking. How far removed from what it should be. The body with its powerful sensuous messages becomes the source of communication, of acknowledgement, acceptance, appreciation of each other. It is a communication that acknowledges de- ficiencies but aims to receive each other unconditionally. And in the process spouses give to each other the fulness of meaning of their identity. The sexual act is in fact the most powerful and recurrent act of affir- mative love, because minds, bodies, and feelings unite to cement the ongoing process of nurturing, healing and growth. However, it is an unfortunate fact that quite a high proportion of marriages do not realise their potential. Living in a Christian Country we have been brought up to realise that divorce is an evil. It certainly is but not perhaps in the way we have been brought up to believe. The evil has very little to do with the badness and responsibility of the spouses who were made to bear the personal and social guilt of this action. The evil lies in the actual suffering and consequences of the breakdown of human bonds between husband and wife, parents and children. How is it that two people who start a relationship with every intention of main- taining it, who honestly believe that this relationship is the best thing in the world for them find themselves a few weeks, months, years later in disarray, convinced that their partner is a failure, imprisoning them in a life sentence of misery? It is often said that liberal divorce laws are respon- sible for divorce. Whilst there is some truth in this, it is certainly not the real explanation. The real explan- ation is that men and women are raising the minimum levels of personal expectations and when these are not fulfilled the relationship comes to an end. Divorce laws simply register these changes in the raising of minimum standards of human integrity. Until 1858 neither in England or Ireland could Divorce be granted by the ordinary Courts. It could, however, be granted by private Act of Parliament. 23

MEDICO LEGAL SOCIETY "TILL DEATH US DO PART" by RAYMOND V. DOWNEY. SOLICITOR

The vale systems which have shaped our lives for centuries are changing fundamentally. Wherever we look we find ourselves caught in an upsurge of develop- ment which bears little relationship to the familiar ideologies of the recent past. This has been extremely disturbing because the foundations of our beliefs, secular and religious, are being questioned radically. We have come to realise that there is need for change and this is a painful moment. There are those who are bidding us to return to the fold and follow obediently the teach- ing of authority, and there are those who are inviting us to overthrow 1 the shackles of the past and become free. It is no longer possible to push to one side the problems around us. There is for example the necessity to give women the fulness of equality and opportunity that men have had for thousands of years, which must include pressing for the innumerable changes in law to protect womens rights. Her right to reside in the family home should be beyond argument so that it cannot be sold against her will and there should be a power of attachment of a husband's earnings where Maintenance Orders against him have been made. We must also consider the newer developments to give the child increased protection in utero, arising from the thalidomide tragedy and further protection from cruel parents which can cause even death as in the Maria Colwell case in England. In order to understand clearly the position it is vital to appreciate the change that is occurring in the nature of marriage. Both secular and Christian marriage has been based on the idea of a legal contract in which a man and a women undertake certain obligations towards each other, from which flow certain rights and privileges. What is now advocated is to see marriage primarily as a personal relationship with social, emotional and physical integrity in which will be found its viability. In such a relationship the emphasis is no longer on just fulfilling roles or meeting external criteria of children, fidelity and indissolubility, but on the quality of the personal relationship. Under the Marriages Act 1972 the Minister for Justice was given power to decide when certain sections would become operative, and I am very pleased that on 1st January next the minimum age at which a boy or girl can marry has been raised to 16. It will also be necessary for a minor between that age and 21 to obtain the consent of both parents. A further section of the Act coming into effect on the same date provides that if the father and mother refuse their consent, the minor can apply to the President of the High Court in camera for permission to marry. An interesting survey of broken marriages in Dublin Was carried out earlier this year by Kathleen O'Higgins of the Economic and Social Research Institute and published under the title of "Marital Desertion in