9781422276075

SEXUAL VIOLENCE AND HARASSMENT

H.W. Poole

Sexual Violence and Harassment

Abuse among Family and Friends

Copingwith Sexual Violence and Harassment

Dealingwith Dating and Romance

Preventing Sexual Assault and Harassment

Sexual Violence and Harassment

H.W. Poole

Mason Crest Philadelphia • Miami

Mason Crest 450 Parkway Drive, Suite D Broomall, Pennsylvania 19008 (866) MCP-BOOK (toll-free) www.masoncrest.com

Copyright © 2020 by Mason Crest, an imprint of National Highlights, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission from the publisher. First printing 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ISBN (hardback) 978-1-4222-4201-8

ISBN (series) 978-1-4222-4199-8 ISBN (ebook) 978-1-4222-7607-5 Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file with the Library of Congress.

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Table of Contents

Series Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 Chapter 1: Coping with Sexual Assault . . . . . . . . 11 Chapter 2: Coping with Sexual Harassment & Stalking . . 31 Chapter 3: Talking about It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 Chapter 4: Self-Care . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55 Series Glossary of Key Terms . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72 Further Reading & Internet Resources . . . . . . . . . 74 Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76 Author’s Biography & Photo Credits . . . . . . . . . . 80

Key Icons to Look for:

Words to Understand: These words with their easy-to-understand definitions will increase the reader’s understanding of the text, while building vocabulary skills.

Sidebars: This boxed material within the main text allows readers to build knowledge, gain insights, explore possibilities, and broaden their perspectives by weaving together additional information to provide realistic and holistic perspectives. Educational Videos: Readers can view videos by scanning our QR codes, providing them with additional educational content to supplement the text. Examples include news coverage, mo- ments in history, speeches, iconic sports moments, and much more! Text-Dependent Questions: These questions send the reader back to the text for more careful attention to the evidence presented there.

Research Projects: Readers are pointed toward areas of further inquiry connected to each chap- ter. Suggestions are provided for projects that encourage deeper research and analysis.

Series Glossary of Key Terms: This back-of-the-book glossary contains terminology used throughout the series. Words found here increase the reader’s ability to read and comprehend higher-level books and articles in this field.

Copingwith Sexual violence and Harassment

SERIES INTRODUCTION

You may have heard the statistics. One in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before turning 18 years old. About 20 percent of American women are raped at some point in their lives. An online survey in 2018 found that approximately 81 percent of women have experienced some form of harassment. Crimes like these have been happening for a very long time, but stigma surrounding these issues has largely kept them in the shadows. Recent events such as the Me Too movement, the criminal prosecutions of men like Bill Cosby and Dr. Larry Nassar, and the controversy surrounding the confirmation of Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the U.S. Supreme Court have brought media attention to sexual violence and harassment. As it often happens, increased media attention to a social problem is excellent in many ways — the availability of information can help people avoid being victimized, while also letting survivors know that they are not alone. Unfortunately, the media spotlight sometimes shines more heat than light, leaving us with even more questions than we had when we started. That is particularly true for young

people, who are just dipping their toes into the proverbial dating pool and taking their first steps into the workplace. Two volumes in this set ( Preventing Sexual Assault and Harassment and Coping with Sexual

Teen Dating Violence Hotline 1-866-331-9474 TTY: 1-866-331-8453 En Español: 1−800−799−7233 Text: “loveis” to 22522

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SERIES Introduction

Assault and Harassment ) address the “before” and “after” of those very difficult situations. The volume Dealing with Dating looks at romance — how to date as safely as

National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) Online chat: https://www.rainn.org

possible, how to build emotionally healthy relationships, and what to do if something goes wrong. And finally, Abuse among Family and Friends takes a look at the painful issue of sexual abuse and exploitation of minors — the vast majority of whom are abused not by strangers, but by family members, acquaintances, and authority figures who are already in the young person’s life. These books hope to provide a trustworthy, accessible resource for readers who have questions they might hesitate to ask in person. What is consent really about, anyway? What do I do if I have been assaulted? How do I go on a date and not be scared? Will my past sexual abuse ruin my future relationships? And much more. In addition to the text, a key part of these books is the regularly appearing “Fact Check” sidebar. Each of these special features takes on common myths and misconceptions and provides the real story. Meanwhile, “Find Out More” boxes and dynamic video links are scattered throughout the book. They, along with the “Further Reading” pages at the end, encourage readers to reach out beyond the confines of these pages. There are extraordinary counselors, activists, and hotline operators all over North America who are eager to help young people with their questions and concerns. What to do about sexual violence and harassment is a vital but difficult conversation; these books aspire to be the beginning of that discussion, not the end.

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Copingwith Sexual violence and Harassment

Introduction

According to the advocacy group RAINN, someone in the United States is sexually assaulted every 98 seconds. That is an almost incomprehensible statistic. Even more mind-bending is the fact that the rate of sexual assault in the country has declined by 63 percent since 1993—meaning that as bad as the situation is now, it’s actually an improvement on a couple of decades ago. Meanwhile, in a survey conducted in 2018, 81 percent of women reported having experienced some form of sexual harassment. Probably the only good thing we can say about these rates is that if you have survived an experience like that, you are definitely not alone. Many, many people have been where you are right now; they have not only survived but thrived, and you can also. Past silence in the face of harassment and assault was one factor that left survivors with the impression that they were all alone. That silence was broken in a big way with the birth of the Me Too movement in 2017, and the disclosures have not slowed down since. Another factor causing that sense of isolation was a widespread misunderstanding of who is affected by sexual assault and harassment. Our image of the “typical victim” tends to be young, female, white, and straight. That’s understandable in a sense—that demographic does experience high rates of assault and harassment. But in truth, these crimes don’t recognize gender, race, age, or sexuality. Anyone can be victimized by assault or

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Introduction

harassment. Men are harassed and assaulted. Women of color are harassed and assaulted at extraordinary rates. So are members of the LGBTQ community. Whoever you may be,

Myth: If you go out, drink alcohol, and go home with someone, you are taking risks; therefore, if an assault happens, it’s your responsibility. Fact: Whatever risks the victimmay have taken do not change the guilt of the

whatever may have happened to you, the most important thing to remember is that it was not your fault. This is discussed in the main text of this book, but it always bears repeating. Nothing you did or did not do absolves the perpetrator from responsibility. The same is true for sexual harassment, whether on campus, at work, or elsewhere. This book will take you from the moments after an assault all the way through to some self-care strategies that may help over the long term. Hopefully, you will pick up some practical tips about how to respond to harassment, how to report incidents to police, and how to start feeling better about yourself and your world. Be sure and explore the many avenues for further information that this book offers. And remember: asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you brave. There are a lot of people out there who want to help—you just need to reach out. ✔ perpetrator. The person who commits the assault is the responsible party, period .

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Copingwith Sexual violence and Harassment

ad hominem: Latin for “to the person”; it refers to something specific and personal, as in “an ad hominem criticism” analgesic: describes something that reduces the ability to feel pain complainant: legal term for someone who brings a case against another person correlation: connection corroborating: something that confirms a claim is true immeasurably: describes something too large to be counted impeachment: calling the validity of something into question involuntary: a situation where you have no choice methodical: organized, systematic paramount: top priority prophylactic: preventative

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Chapter 1

Coping with Sexual Assault

What did I do wrong? Should I not have gone to that party? Maybe I shouldn’t have had a second drink? These questions often haunt survivors of sexual violence. People who fought back wonder if they shouldn’t have, while those who didn’t fight worry whether they should have. People who’ve been abused by an intimate partner blame themselves for not leaving sooner, or for choosing that person in the first place. The self-interrogation goes on and on. Many survivors obsess over every detail, trying to find the single wrong turn that, if corrected, would have made everything turn out differently. It is normal to think this way, but also profoundly unhelpful. If you’ve been attacked, abused, harassed, or stalked, you didn’t do anything wrong. No decision you made makes you responsible for the decision someone else made. Indeed, there’s just one answer to the first question on this page: Someone else did something wrong, not you.

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Copingwith Sexual violence and Harassment

Myth: If someone tried to rape you but didn’t succeed, there was no crime, and the cops won’t care. Fact: Attempted rape is a serious (and prosecutable) crime. Do not assume you shouldn’t report a crime because it “wasn’t that bad.” Cops will care. assault. It has no correlation with the reality of traumatic experiences. The good news is, the reasonable-resistance requirement is on its way out of the U.S. legal system. For example, Maryland, which had been one of the remaining holdouts, finally got rid of its “fight-back” requirement in April 2017. The bad news is that same basic idea still lingers in the subconscious of many people. But, in reality, the issue of resistance is incredibly complex, both physically and psychologically. Often, the “choice” of whether or not to resist is not one you get to make — evolution made that choice for you, long ago. Here are some reasons someone might not resist: • Self-preservation. Sometimes people do make a conscious choice to not resist because they are afraid of making the attack even worse. If an attacker is substantially larger, seems “crazy,” or if there’s more than one, it’s totally understandable that someone might decide it’s wiser to not resist. Data suggests that victims are indeed more likely to be seriously injured if they fight back. Should I have fought back? Whether or not they “should have” resisted an attacker is a central question for many survivors of sexual violence. Until recently, many legal definitions of rape required that victims be able to show they attempted to escape or “reasonably resist.” If you didn’t fight it, the thinking went, you must have wanted it. This is a wrongheaded and, frankly, cruel way of looking at

✔

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Copingwith Sexual Assault

Some attackers have weapons, and that, too, makes resistance seem like a bad idea. • Shock. According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, only 3 out of 10 rapists are strangers. The other 7 out of 10, therefore, are someone the victim already knows. Among college students, that number can jump to 8 in 10 or even 9 in 10. That complicates the resistance question

immeasurably . If the attacker is a friend, family member, or authority figure, it can be extremely

difficult to abruptly switch to a mode where you fight a person you trusted until a few moments earlier. Because you have a social relationship with this person, you may find it impossible to believe that something terrible is even happening until it is too late.

People who have survived a trauma can be highly self-critical about how they behaved while the incident was occurring.

• Alcohol and drugs. About half of all sexual assaults have alcohol consumption (either by the attacker, the victim, or both) as part of the equation. This can be a big factor in limiting one’s ability to resist. You may not entirely understand what’s happening, or you might understand but not be able to defend yourself. And, of course, so-called date-rape drugs (such as Rohypnol or GHB) render a person unconscious, which totally eliminates any choice about resisting.

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Copingwith Sexual violence and Harassment

Here’s where we get into the nitty-gritty of human reaction to traumatic events. Like all animals, humans have certain pre-programed responses to interactions with predators. You’ve probably heard of the “fight-or-flight response” — that’s a part of the story, but really it’s just the beginning. The larger picture of our inborn reactions to severe threats is called the “defense cascade.” It comes in five basic stages: • arousal: your immediate response to a threat (sweating, tensed muscles, increased heartbeat, etc.) • fight or flight: an instinctive reaction to either defend oneself or try to escape • attentive immobility: also called freezing; all motion stops while you scan the environment • tonic immobility: when confronted with an inescapable threat, the body becomes paralyzed; you are physically unable to move or shout for help • quiescent immobility: immediately after the threat is gone, the

survivor remains unable to move right away; this phase

is thought to promote healing in the survivor There can be a lot of variation

in how long these phases last, but they are all involuntary responses. In other words, these reactions are instinctive, controlled by your central nervous system and parts of your brain, such as the amygdala and

Watch this video to learn more about tonic immobility.

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