TE16 Turkish Delight


20 You and Suzan used to come to this café, says Bek. After you split up you never set foot here again. Or if you did, I don’t know anything about it. The inside is done up like a house, they’ve made the outside look like a garden. You used to spend a lot of time here. You would read and she would draw. I look around me as I listen to Bek. Despite the age of its buildings, the walls covered with ivy and drawings give the café, that is spread over two buildings facing each other, an air of liveliness. The narrow, pedestrian street really does resemble someone’s back garden. The small pots of violets, geraniums and orchids on the tables are aburst with color. Young people, slumped in low chairs, are chatting lethargically, or reading. Suzan’s coming tomorrow, says Bek, this is where you’re going to meet. It would have been better if you’d waited till tomorrow and discovered this street with her. I can’t understand why you insisted on coming today. I haven’t got any memories to share with you about this place, but Suzan has. Are you afraid of meeting her? Without turning to face Bek, my eyes fixed on the drawings on the walls, I say, yes. If you ask me that question again I’ll answer, no. I don’t just feel one thing, I feel several things all at the same time. I’m both curious and indifferent about my past. I want to come here tomorrow and I don’t. I thought I’d come today, to confirm what I want, to test myself here too. Otherwise I can’t differentiate between right and wrong. I loved a girl and thenwe split up. What if I did something terrible to her, what if I find that out tomorrow? I’m afraid of that, but I’m also afraid of not discovering anything tomorrow,


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