Everything Horses and Livestock® Magazine Feb 2020 Vol 5 Issue 1

Everything Horses and Livestock Magazine ®

to the dreaded point in her life that she can no longer live on her own. Even today she told me I know I can no longer live on my own. The good news is; The new medicine has taken affect and she is completely back to her normal, meaning she is calm, logical understands everything going on very clear. She has not been this normal in years I forgot who she was and didn’t think I’d ever see her like this again. What a Blessing this visit was. For those unaware. Due to her life long battle with mental illness she recently experienced a Bi-polar/ Schizophrenic episode when a new family Dr she started seeing, adjusted her medication so low that it was doing nothing for her (¼ of a pill every other day) I don’t understand why a new doctor to a patient would ever do such a thing without checking previous records or at least familiarizing themselves with this diagnosis. But it is what is, we must just get past it. The result of this change sent her into a psychotic state, she became paranoid, hearing voices, very confused and lost her memory. After several weeks of struggles in and out of hospitals new medication trials etc. Sunday, she landed back into the psychiatric ward. Today they are testing her for the onset of Dementia. She seems to be struggling with short term memory loss. As I sat across from her visiting. She asked me to share some good news of some kind with her. I was updating her on the status of her cats. She loves

them so much. She said she trusted us to find good homes for each of them. She hated to let them go but she knows she can’t care for them any longer. She is thrilled my daughter Morgan and I took the two. Then She says to me. “I’m so happy you came to visit me. I had a rough morning and you make me feel so much better.” Then she goes on to say, “ I probably told you this at one time or another, but I remembered this today; When you were born” (My mom was 16 years old) “I remember that last push, the pain was horrific, I will never forget it,” she said, “I remember the relief was instant, then they laid you on my chest, that moment I will never forget,” she said “I felt the most warm peaceful feeling just come over me,” I couldn’t explain it then, and it’s hard to explain now, but it was a warm, calming and the most blissful peace.” She said, “I know now what it was, I never realized it before.” The tears welled up in her eyes and she choked out the words; “It was the Holy Spirit; at that moment I know God placed the Holy Spirit in you and I felt it.” She was crying now, (of course I was too) she continues “I never realized it until now,” but “you have loved me more than anyone ever has” she sobbed “I just didn’t know”, she covered her face with her hands and repeated “I didn’t know.” I got up and walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her neck to hug her. For the first time in my life that I can remember, I felt a connection to my mom. At 57

years old, I actually felt what a hug from a loving mother feels like. Today, I felt love from her that I don’t recall ever seeing, receiving or feeling. I told her everything was okay, and I loved her, and that was so sweet of her to share with me and tell me all of this. She said, “I just don’t know why I didn’t realize it before now, but it’s all true and I love you so much.” Again, I told her it was okay, and I know she loves me. We settled back down into our visit, and I said to her “that was the first time I had ever heard about the day I was born.” No one ever mentioned it ever. She said, “she didn’t know why, she never shared it with anyone or with me, but then she said, “Probably because if I ever did share that story, people would say I was just crazy!” We both laughed. On the drive home I thanked God for that moment. I’m prepared that I may never feel that again. It’s okay if that is the case. I had experienced something from her that I always longed for as a little girl. I was no longer worthless, or evil, she didn’t want to physically hurt me, and her eyes were not dark with annoyance, hatred or anger. She saw me through God’s loving eyes. I could see the change, her kindness. I felt his love through her. The most important thing of all, in this moment of time was that she saw and understood God’s love that came through my heart for her. He taught me how to be forgiving towards her, to love her unconditionally.

43 Everything Horses and Livestock® | February 2020 | EHALmagazine.com