TE20 Migrant Mosaics

Fleeing Father

You’re worthless, nothing will come of you. And no one in this world will ever marry you. Father said to motivate me.

My parentsworked very hard. Father’s life consisted exclusively of work. Mother often did overtime. As the chair of the Communist Women’sOrganizationshehad torunaround thedifferentvillages for days. With dusty boots. A real Natasha. For a short while we had domestic help. A rosy Swabian granny from the Banat. I don’t know if Father just wanted to save money again. Or if it was the Party that condemned the exploitation of man by man. In any case, I was left alone at age eight. I had to fend for myself. Clean the apartment. Keep things tidy. Warm up my food. And cook for myself if need be. They left me with a shopping list and recipes. I had to finish my homework. Go to extracurricular lessons. I was not allowed to be afraid of being alone. I was one of the first latch-key kids in our city. One of the first latch-key kids in our society. With the key on a string around my neck, I enjoyed spending time at our neighbors. With their children. I listen attentively to hear if my parents were coming. And would quickly sneak into our apartment before them.

I was not allowed to be afraid of being alone. I was afraid of being afraid. Hoped that no one would notice.

Before my parents were due to come home, I would always look out the window. Wanted to have everything ready. Compose myself. I hated being surprised by them. Most of the time it didn’t go well. When they were late, I would look at the clock again and again. At my list. If everything had been done. Ran from the door to the window. And from the window to the balcony. 235