Trafika Europe 2 - Polish Nocturne

death (and therefore to his life). When that moment arrives, when the time comes when there is no one left in whom I can provoke a certain degree of shock, no one with whom to share this blow, then that arduous moment will have arrived when you must rebuild a life you have no wish to rebuild, confront the absence, and return to the landscape of boredom that you never wanted to revisit. Because . . . No, no . . . I never want to feel the threat of boredom hovering over me again . . . I’ll choose death before that.

You have believed this ever since you met him.

Ever since you merged with him, you have thought: If he isn’t here, I don’t want to be either.

And so?

What are you waiting for?

The two of you talked about it for years. Until your daughter arrived (because when you have children together, you can no longer tell the other I-can’t-live- without-you and not scare the hell out of them). For years you did, in a manner of speaking, promise each other just that. If not, what exactly does “I can’t live without you” mean? Is it a lie? Is it a metaphor? What is it exactly?


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