Trafika Europe 9/10 - UK in Europe

JayMerill

are perfect. It’s a con. I just want to be able to see the truth and accept the truth. I don’t want music intruding and making me believe other things; perfect things. I want to live with the basic scrapes and harsh little day to day noises you hear going on in the world around you. Only then can I feel free enough to be myself. Oh, and silence sometimes. l can live with that. Silence time equals thinking time. Whereas lots of people I know have their heads permanentlyinamusichaze and have forgotten how to think for themselves. Ok, I don’t mind admitting I’m a flawed character. And if you read these pages you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about. But, the thing is, I can live with that. I don’t demand perfection of myself.

Anyway, the truth is I’d started feeling even more negative about being at the house. There’s nothing worse in life than being stuck somewhere and realising there’s no way of it. And that’s the way I had come to feel about the house share. It seemed like a trap. Though I knew no-one was really stopping me from moving out. The housemates, the friends , whatever you want to call them, they’d most likely be totally up-there happy if I were to do the off. In a way I did wonder sometimes if it was the thought of their applause that made me sit tight for so long. I mean, I didn’t want to play into their hands and give them all that satisfaction. The only trouble is I’ve come to see that fighting against them was a way of being controlled too. You do this

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