Trafika Europe 9/10 - UK in Europe

Bakhtiyar Ali

enemies could see me, as soon as silence fell and no creature made a sound, a dark lust would surge within me, the boards of a different theatre would fall into place and my soul would become the stage for something else. Any yearning I had stifled in the daytime, any desire or lust I had hushed, would surface in the shape of weird creatures. I had a feeling that a secret power was drawing me towards a different Earth and Heaven, taking me to another place where I saw strange sights, naked houris and ghilmans, women beyond human capacity to imagine, the food and feasting God has promised man only in Paradise. In those dark and secret alleyways, my appearance changed in frontofeverylooking-glass,

and each time I took on a different shape as if it were mine to choose, as if God had granted me the indulgence of seeking my own appearance. Oh, my fantasies transported me to where I could assume whatever human form I wanted, could give my body whatever face I liked. It was on those nights that I became the author of an anthology of ghazals. When I summoned up the courage to have the poems published, no one could believe that such a shy and pious young man could have written such a book, a book that hinted at blasphemy and debauchery. It was the harvest of darkness, the harvest of my secret other life. I responded quickly, however, and denied it was mine then kept myself

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