TE16 Turkish Delight

Burhan Sönmez of returning home with the same mind, of not knowing myself. So far all my tests have been a waste of time. Guitars and songs haven’t brought my memory back. Doctors, grocers, pigeons. Address books, dead friends, black haired women. None of them has helped me remember the past. My suicide doesn’t make any sense. Why did I want to die? Maybe I was one of those people who are secretly unhappy. I was unhappy because I nurtured the wrong dreams. I rack my brains day and night trying to work out what those dreams might have been, but I can’t. And then I feel happy. I say I’m free of wrong dreams. Bek now you’re going to get up and leave me, to go to the rehearsal for the weekend’s concert. Before you go I want you to know this. I’m not coming here tomorrow. I’m not going to meet my ex-girlfriend. The moment I sat here I became certain of the thought that’s been going round and round my head for days. Don’t say anything, I think every one of your words contains a secret. I get confused. I struggle day and night to uncover the secret in your words, but always end up in a dark tunnel. I can’t do it like this Bek, find me another way. You tried to take me to the past, but it didn’t do any good, this time try taking me away from it. Take me somewhere where the past can’t reach. You’re the only one who can do it. Do you know something Bek, contrary to what you think, I don’t long for the past. I don’t feel nostalgic about it. I have a pretty good idea of how people live their lives. In the beginning, in their youth, people dream about the future and build utopias. They are hopeful. The future is long and everything is possible there. But towards the end of a lifetime, possibilities are tried out and used up. There’s no place left for utopia. People distract themselves with what they have, in

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