TE16 Turkish Delight
Mario Levi or at times refusing to know. We could say that it’s a small act of rebellion, ora bid todelayaquitepossibledefeat. If youonly knew, for instance, howmarvelous and soothing it is to be unable to tell which lives you’re sharing, with whom, and in what manuscript, fancy, or sentence; to consider that I may have lost something in a story, and to have created every sorrowand joy inmydream in this attempt at a new appeal. This is perhaps the apex of this bizarre adventure that revolves around you; the unavoidable activation of a self-defensemechanismonecould becomeattached to ad finem , the need to flee, as much as possible, from an obligation that has long beendefined. Yet I’mno longer as ashamed of these exercises in self-deception as I used to be, for I have many ways to detect the things that await me at some point down the road. Perhaps the many years and my extensive and strenuous trips among manuscriptswerenecessary tofindoutwhatminutiae thosewho’d achieved certain lives avoided bearing. For one to learn to bear one’s own selfhood, shortcomings, and contrarieties, however, hazarding such expulsions was already obligatory. Making do with self-answering questions is much easier and bearable in that regard. Howmany of us are given so many reasons to ask whether these delusions befell us while in stolen and deceptive states of inebriation, how many of us say it, how many of us refuse their enchantment?More importantly, contrary to initial assumptions, did these minute and thrilling games not bind us more firmly to life? Can I not assess my willingness to bury within me the nuance I unexpectedly discovered tonight in this coffeehouse, my longing to forget the role I’ve assumed nowadays, even if for a while, and abscond to one of those old, lost fancies, my ability
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