TE22 Potpourri

Lada Vukić

Special Needs

somebody up because of you! I want the rest tonight! I put my trust in you, you fucking cunt!” Then he switched off his mobiles and we drove in silence again. I have a mobile too, but it’s mostly silent. Because mum told me not to show it to anybody. That little novelty, as she called it, cost a pretty penny. Somebody might steal it. Uncle Jakov gave it to me because he had several of them, like Instantly. Mum says he’s a businessman. The more business you have, the more mobiles you need. I remember the day I got it because I didn’t manage to thank him. And for some reason it was important to do that. That day, the words wouldn’t come out. I was scared when I took it. I looked at my uncle’s black eyes and polished shoes but didn’t say anything. I tried to guess what size shoe he wore and thought it would be nicer to have a new shoebox instead of the mobile he was giving me. Because I know everything there is to know about boxes, but nothing about mobiles. I nodded my head while he explained how to turn it on, turn it off, tap in the numbers but…I didn’t say anything. Mum was terribly upset about that: “Emil, how long are you going to keep that up?” she shouted. “Say thank you! What’s the problem in saying THANK YOU? I mean, it’s not as if Uncle Jakov is a stranger.” No, he wasn’t a stranger. So, I said thank you, but to myself. Because I don’t know what my problem is. How could I know when even my own mother doesn’t seem to know? I think that 156

most times people don’t know what their problem is. They understand other people’s problems better than their own. That’s why you go to a doctor, for him to tell you what’s wrong. I go with mum to the doctor, but I still don’t know what my problem is. Maybe that’s because it’s not just one problem, it’s several. On theotherhand, I seldomcatchcold. Myheart isfine. It’s just my feet that are a problem, and I’m tongue-tied. I don’t knowwhy that is. MaybeMissVjeka has a problemtoo, because she thinks she’s good, but she isn’t. And Professor Antun. Because he’s blind but thinks he can do everything himself. I just know that sometimes I can talk and sometimes I can’t. Sometimes the words come out, and sometimes they don’t. I didn’t know why I needed a mobile since I wasn’t allowed to tell anybody that I had one. If only I could at least boast about it, since my grades were nothing to boast about. The more she said say thank you the more my head drooped. That’s number 1. Plus, I was afraid I wouldn’t know how to shake hands with him. And that I’d look stupid. Why all the fuss, I kept thinking, when Uncle Jakov wasn’t making a problem out of it. “It’s OK, Marina. I understand him better than I do those who talk a lot. He said thank you to himself, I know he did. He’ll say it aloud when he can. No problem.” He said it a few times, no problem. So, what’s the problem, I asked myself.

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