TE22 Potpourri

You’re Not Dying

Kathrin Schmidt

‘… Can you hear me, Helene? Not easy to say so, I suppose, is it? Anyway, soon we’ll have to start getting you upright more often. Today was the first attempt, okay? Okay? I think she can hear me…’ Was that addressed to her? She doesn’t know. Wants to sleep. Knackered. Funnily enough, she can believe her name is Helene. * * * What’s the man got in his hand there? Looks like a pacemaker. Actually, he’s holding the pacemaker in front of her nose, and saying that they’vefinally found it and taken it out.Why’ve they removed her pacemaker? She can’t get the question out. The man laughs slyly, laughing behind his hand – a hand that has her and her heartbeat in it. She has to defend herself, anything but fall asleep. They must have the heating on at night here – last night it was so hot she thought the place was on fire. That must be why they’ve taken her pacemaker out, because she’s the only one still alive and they can’t believe it! If you’ve got one of these pacemakers your heart just beats and beats, even when your body’s had it. They all smile at you in such a friendly way here, and yet it’s a murderers’ club: they want to kill you just as they do all the others. She absolutely must tell her husband. Hopefully he’ll comeagain before night- time. Where is she, anyway? She’s managed to keep her eyes 46

open for a good while now, but she just can’t work out where she is. * * * Her parents are back! She wants to sit up and ask who’s got married. Why’ve you got a cold right hand, Mum? She can’t do it. Can’t sit up, can’t ask.

Pulling herself together.

Pressing her lips together. Opening her eyes.

It really is her parents! Her father looks exactly like he did that time her sisterwent down the Geissenberg on her scooter. How longagoisthat?Sheworks itout. Is it2002?Hersisterwasbornin 1961 and was about six when it happened. So, 1967. That makes it thirty-five years. So long ago! Why has she remembered the look on her father’s face? Daddy, don’t be sad! she’d whispered at the time, and he’d hugged her and cried with joy when the doctor brought her sister home again. No, they didn’t want to keep her in hospital. In hospital? The house she was staying in now could also actually be… Her mother interrupts. Asking the woman next to her when she can start having something to eat again. Typical, always thinking about eating. She’s not hungry, though! 47