Trafika Europe 13 - Russian Ballet

Judeophile

of happiness, which had an anesthesia-like effect on the “nether regions”. But when we were parting, and I, coming to myself, started to analyze my behavior, I could not explain it in any other way than by ascribing it to “cowardice,” “indecisiveness,” “fear,” and in this, there was, in reality, a presence of some sort of deep- seated fear; I sensed it clearly and beat myself up over it, hating myself for my “weakness,” fearing that she also despises me in the depths of her soul, and considers me a “little boy”…. But, whenever we met, all of this faded, all the fears, doubts, and self-reproaches; I submerged in this cloud of happiness, and it seemed to me that, as the poet had once said, “no other happiness is needed”. At the beginning of June, Lena suddenly offered me an opportunity to travel with her to their dacha. Some things needed to be organized for the summer, some things taken there, some brought back to Moscow, could I possibly help her, she’s just afraid to go alone. I remember that day down to the tiniest of details. A fine drizzle was falling on us at the train station, but the clouds dispersed, and the woods, gardens, platforms, villages flashing by us in the window – everything was washed clean, splashed by the sun, scattered into a myriad of glittering drops, glistening with glossy greenery, enveloped in the delicate white and pinkish mist of things blossoming... At the station, we bought freshly picked scallions, radishes, tomatoes (we had

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