Trafika Europe 6 - Arabesque

ablation

chapter v - Depression

D epression. I waited for it, I imagined it, I designed it, and then I forgot about it. The fact that it was prepared for changed nothing when it came. It was l ike an irritation on your skin after taking certain medications. Eruption of spots, abnormal redness, exacerbated jitters. I slept, more or less. I had become used to fighting my demons all day and all night. In this state, I was available. I didn’t doubt myself that the fall would happen so slowly, without noise and without clamor. One morning, it came to me without warning. I woke up, then, seated on the edge of my bed, I realized I couldn’t move. It was as if something

held me back. Unable to move, to get up and to go, like every other day, to the bathroom and then the kitchen to make cof fee. Time passed. I looked at the floor, the carpet, the sheets, objects around me. Some unread newspapers lay on the floor along with an open book and some black velvet heels, embroidered with my monogram. Catherine had given them to me for a laugh — I kept them because I liked them. They were worn out but I couldn’t part with them. For a good hour, I thought about those heels that I wore as slippers. My spirit was empty, my head heavy. My arms sank to my sides. It was a pain to move my hands. I read the title of

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