journal d'une transition

231

FJ – Ce que je serais tenté de dire, c’est que dans cette vie, qui se termine par la mort comme sa limite, ce qui est essentiel c’est de la vivre intégralement, c’est-à- dire de ne pas y mourir, de ne pas mourir DANS cette vie… D – Oui, je comprends très bien, et c’est là que se situe ton besoin, d’être pleinement vivant tant que l’on vit et aussi vrai que possible, aussi authentique… … Mais si on regarde simplement la question : pourquoi est-on matériel ? Peut-être que ce n’est pas seulement pour faire une expérience et puis s’en aller – qu’on croie ou non à d’autres vies - ; peut-être que ce n’est pas seulement pour ça, que ce n’est pas seulement comme une auberge, que c’est plus sérieux que ça, plus réel aussi, que ça mérite plus de respect… Et alors cela fait que les valeurs changent, la mort est perçue autrement quand le fait d’être en vie, d’être matériel est perçu autrement ; et l’enjeu apparaît différent aussi, et les difficultés… Ce n’est plus s’accrocher à la vie, c’est sentir et percevoir qu’il y a justement un sens… évolutif, qui est encore à découvrir, qui doit encore se révéler… *1-8-1979, Auroville: Most of us are busy with the clearing and pruning of the cashew topes, and at work I find myself again in the position of a “team leader”; P is now coming every day, and M.B and his friend G, and Ul, a guy from “Hope”… only C.E. is there for me, he has joined our morning team again… *2-8-1979, Auroville: Tonight we listened to You speaking of the adverse forces, of their necessity for the progress upon earth as long as there is a single consciousness left to harbour positions or attitudes contrary to the Great Becoming… But, Mother, when I turn to physical suffering, to the body’s suffering (and I also think of D.M still nailed to a bed after three years), I cannot see that there is always a lesson to be learnt from it, that this order of suffering is justified by the learning… What about these millions of bodies whose entire life is made of dulled pain, drudgery, drab suffering…? For what? What about the consciousness of the body itself? Does it learn this way? I can’t believe it. I believe the body grows by harmony! *3-8-1979, Auroville: We drove to Pondy. C.E wanted us to get a copy of the brochure SSJ had earlier made on Matrimandir, so he could do his painting from photographs, so we go into the office of the Memorial Fund Society and come right upon both SSJ and Madanlal – I had somehow not thought of that possibility at all! But I take the opportunity and address Madanlal a little boldly; SSJ leaves almost at once, but Madanlal has us seated and we go into the matter of the SAS having no intention to release their hold nor to withdraw their conditions… It becomes clear that he is himself unwilling to make a choice, and that is why he had not answered our letter. None of them is actually ready to make a step. We should not expect anything there and we should work at establishing new contacts directly. I found Madanlal to be a man of many words, despite his quiet appearance, and not above distorting things to his advantage… Other instruments must be found. But, as trust is not at present a welcome queen in our midst, I don’t know what it will take…! ***