journal d'une transition

254

*28-10-1979, Auroville: I have read an interesting book on “Findhorn” and the relationship they have developed with Nature and its subtle entities… I am reading Your Agenda… It is Sunday, I do my afternoon watch-duty at Matrimandir; E.B comes to sit with me awhile. This evening V comes. We sit by the fire, quietly. There is tension in me due to the contradiction between openness to her and the inner perception that I must be and remain alone and not venture into another relationship, even one already known and intimate, at least for some time to come. This is like moving blindly through the thick of a forest, knowing that my true path lies beyond its limit, yet still attached to the known and experienced… *29-10-1979, Auroville: Patricia has come back to work! That makes me happy! And both J and G have also joined and V also wants to come every morning: that gives us 4 more workers! … There is constant unease about me, as if there was some opacity between where I stand at present and where I should stand truly, there is a weight dragging me or clinging to me; I’d like to punch a hole into that barrier…! … I am seeking in myself the capacity to make an offering for Satprem’s birthday tomorrow, as if to arrange some substance with my inner being that would be delightful to him… I feel so grateful for his very existence… *30-10-1979, Auroville: At night tall G who is on duty at Matrimandir sends for us. Police has come and there is also a SAS car parked near the Banyan tree, Indra sitting in it, while several carpenters are posted around… Some “information” has gone to them that we intend to sell old used-up steel panels and some steel scraps collected in our clean-up, and they have come to prevent us from transporting it… *31-10-1979, Auroville: This afternoon at the Samadhi, I watch for a long time an older man: he stands straight, meditating; he is very thin, with a noble face, but not imposing; he stands there as if he was under a vast arch of a great forest, drinking with his soul the sweet sounds of cascades and the songs of birds and the tremor of the high branches and the honey of the light filtering in, and he loves You, I can tell…! But, in most of the others I can only see the knots and the difficulties, the dry struggle, unnatural, going on within them, or else imitations and mechanical devotions… *1-11-1979, Auroville: This evening we joined the Coop members for a meeting with Valya, the sub- Collector, in the office. We’re all quite fond of him now; he has become like a brother to us, even though he must still fulfil his duties; he is well aware that the SAS intends to continue harassing us by any means and he points at the actions it would be useless for us to take at present, while he suggest, through general