journal d'une transition

715

*12-3-1987, Auroville: It rained a steady, quiet rain most of the night, and the entire garden is breathing again… … About desire, where it originates, whom it satisfies, on what plane and through which channels; and how the corruption occurs continuously in the human atmosphere… … Su and I spent the afternoon together at “Ravena” and the evening in Pondy; often her responses to incidents and to situations make me happy and endear her to me… *13-3-1987, Auroville: Much of last night was an interesting, long and multi-aspected adventure, collective, with outer events, pursuits and discoveries – ships stranded, engines from the sky -, but with a lot of inner meaning too, all full of details; some of the Auroville people were part of it, and people from other worlds as well, and all are trying to find the truth, and what really happened; there are some Chinese-looking people, sort of sub-people, who have been enslaved, and are represented and choose to come over to “our side” and to renounce other masters when things precipitate… … I do not have a very complex outer life, and I see relatively very few people, and relate personally to even fewer, and yet there are so many aspects that are acutely unsatisfactory in terms of harmony and truth. I wish I would begin to learn how to manifest helpful creative vibrations instead of what I see again and again in its results: this mixture of distrust, condemn and fear, and of craving, need and attachment… … Surya came to visit, at noon, and pulled me out of that time of silence and retreat I still need; and although I know him and care for him inwardly, as he knows, I was struck by the physical smell emanating from his sweat, as if it carried all of his experience in the West and what it has done to him, and to his body, and I had to fight nausea all the time he stayed, nearly two hours… *14-3-1987, Auroville: A large group of “my men” have gone on a pilgrimage to Thirupatti, by cycle, for a few days; and so “Ravena” will be a very quiet place in the meantime… Today again I had to skip two of my sessions of asanas; but it seems to me that I must stick to this discipline, as a material support for the offering, to bring all the energies into the work… *15-3-1987, Auroville: I have been all day trying to recover harmony, or to reach a new harmony, and to become more conscious of my sheaths, so that these waves are no longer able to enter and sow their seeds of disorder and ruin… And I am wondering how to respond to people, pushing and being pushed to a point wherefrom I may look at my past as a necessary stage now gathered into the beginning of a new life, of a new awareness…