journal d'une transition

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At night when we went back to the airport, the authorities wouldn’t let me accompany her up to the plane; but the people who were handling such cases were so rough and careless that R got really mad and finally obtained a permit for me to take her myself up into the plane. I just had time to see her settled on a couch that had been set at the front of the plane – this huge metal bird packed full of people. I could well have gone along with them as the company had made R pay for 9 seats! But I kissed and hugged her and R and stepped back out and they shut the cabin door behind me and I was rushed into a car and out of the airport, where A.GC was waiting for me. And there I was, riding in this beautiful car at night, listening to Verdi, along the richer streets of Bombay up and down its hills that are built above the sea… 19-5-1987, Auroville: R phoned from Paris yesterday night, at Matrimandir. C is resting and the doctors have confirmed that there is no serious damage and she will only need reinforced treatment for the osteoporosis, once she is able to move freely again. … I am trying to bring everything to order… *24-5-1987, Auroville: The only thing that remains is the sense, within me, that my being belongs to the Force, whatever happens – and whether or not It wants to use it or change it and turn it into something worthwhile… I don’t know whether something has snapped, or gone behind a veil. I don’t think so because I am still aware of You, Mother, as my centre and my anchor and the key to what comes… *25-5-1987, Auroville: Right now I just long for physical harmony, physical ease, physical beauty. Sensations are largely, I know, an illusion or a crust; but these days, in every 24 hours, there are hardly one or two pleasant sensations and they come like stolen parts, not as from a whole…! I long for a room with bay-windows looking over the infinite sea, I long for its wind… *30-5-1987, Auroville: This morning Datta and Mitra removed that cyst from the top of my forehead, with Nicole’s gentle help; it was simple and quiet and they were very sweet and funny and light. I think I hold Your children at the Ashram dearer than those in Auroville… They removed a hard smooth, separate formation of cells from my scalp, like a large bean: cells that have gone their separate way? My head is shaved now. I wear a turban! *21-5-1987, Auroville: G.M is going back to France tomorrow. He will take my letter for C.