IOWA BOWHUNTER FALL 2023/WINTER 2024

BONKER’S WORLD FALL ISSUE

Today is a soup kinda day. It’s the first cold snap of the fall. Yesterday it was sunny and warm. Today it is cold, cloudy, rainy and windy. I should be thinking about sitting in a tree stand this afternoon, but by the time the white chicken chili soup works its way through my system it would be prime time. Even though the stand is a yardy (in my back yard) and the deer are used to some amount of human scent, they wouldn’t be used to the “scent” I’d be putting out. So what better thing to do on a soup afternoon than share more absolutely true and believable stories of Bonkers’ latest escapades. I’m not sure I’ve mentioned this in the past, but just in case I, errrr, ahhhh, I mean YOU have forgotten; I’m not a good euchre player. A year ago it was suggested that Koko the talking gorilla would be a better euchre player than me, and my partner could do better with Koko. The thought struck me that getting a gorilla suit and wearing it at the cabin would be a great practical joke. Just in case you didn’t know this already, Amazon is a great place to find obscure stuff. There were plenty of gorilla suits to chose from. I picked the one I thought represented the spirit of Koko the best, the gorilla suit looked passive in appearance but aggressive in temperament. Just the right amount of passive aggressiveness needed for a top flight euchre player.

The question was, when do I put Koko on to achieve maximum surprise and effect? In a one room cabin it’s kinda hard to surprise anybody by putting Koko on if they are already there. I wouldn’t be able to put Koko on far enough away from the cabin not to be detected too early and ruin the “walking through the door” surprise, not to mention it’s really hard to walk in those feet and seeing through those eye holes. I would have tripped on the stairs for sure. I decided the best chance the joke had of succeeding was to leave the blind early and get to the cabin before they did. I hadn’t seen a turkey all day so leaving the blind early was an easy thing, especially when I had a clear and concise plan of action that included a cold beverage when I got to the cabin. The tricky part was to get there before they did, but not by too much. It was hot and Koko would make it worse. After climbing the Clayton County Alps, it was up hill both ways, I got to the cabin. The cabin was hotter inside than it was outside and man it was hot outside. I peeled my sweat soaked cammo off as I enjoyed a deep draught from a cold can of liquid refreshment that had never tasted so good. I donned Koko. The costume itself has ankle high feet, elbow length gloves and a head with a long neck, all of Koko’s pieces were covered in faux gorilla fur. I needed to wear jeans to cover me from the waist down, a long

www.iowabowhunters.org to hold Koko’s head in such a way that it necessitated Koko’s looking through the faux fur. Koko struggled and struggled to see and find the straws, but Koko could only find an old timey Bic sleeve shirt to cover me from the waist up and a Hawaiian shirt just for the final panache. Yeah, all that made it hotter still. It was time to sit in the cabin and wait. At least I had my can of not-as-cold-as-it-was-earlier beverage. I decided to take a sip. OK, first flaw in my clear and concise plan, I can’t sip, drink, chug, guzzle, slurp or enjoy my getting-warmer-by-the-minute beverage with the Koko head on and what if I take it off and I hear them walking up the stairs? It takes a minute just to get the Koko head back on then the long sleeved shirt over my sweat and then the Hawaiian shirt. A straw! I could use a straw! Looking back I think the heat was starting to effect me, or maybe it was the thin air of the Clayton County Alps, or the possibility exists it was a combination of the two, but I was sure my personal guide had a stash of old timey politically incorrect plastic straws in his cabin, none of those “green” paper straws for him, I just needed to find them. Second flaw in my clear and concise plan, I can’t see though the eye holes without holding the Koko head up with a Koko hand and a secondary flaw of the second flaw in my clear and concise plan was the faux fur on Koko’s hand. I couldn’t see through it but I had

12 IOWA BOWHUNTERS ASSOCIATION