IOWA BOWHUNTER FALL 2023/WINTER 2024

BONKER’S WORLD FALL ISSUE (Cont.)

by the look on my face that I had questions or I had eaten gas station sushi. I said “Just because Fearless was under powered, drove like crap and had iffy air-conditioning doesn’t mean it needed to be replaced.” My personal guide being a man of few words simply said “Yes it does.” “But Fearless was so comfy.” “So is this one.” “But Fearless was so pretty.” “You’ll get over it.” At 0300 the next morning I literally slid into the front seat and almost out of it. I think my personal guide’s use of ArmorAll could have been a bit more judicious. As soon as I was able to slide back in place I buckled up, more just to keep from sliding out of the seat than for safety. Then we were off. Off not very far off though, we stopped a mile of so up the road to pick up my personal guide’s neighbor. That first mile was OK, but too short to form an opinion and come up with a name for the van, but I still had 13 hours to make up my mind, both on a name and if this van was an acceptable replacement for Fearless. For the next few hours the miles rolled smoothly under the tires. The van was pretty comfy, the seats soft yet supportive, the electronics included two CD players, a DVD player and a VCR. It was still too early to say about the AC because it was still cool outside. I wouldn’t be able to evaluate the power until it was my turn to drive.

Another hour or so down the road it was our first gas stop. I took over the piloting duties. I always drive from just north of Minneapolis to International Falls. This distance will give me a good idea of the van’s power and how it drives. Fearless was indeed a little weak on power and “a little” is being generous. I sat in the drivers seat. This time I was ready for the slippery seat. I buckled in, adjusted the seat, mirrors and climate control. We were once again headed to Canada. I turned onto the on ramp and started accelerating to merge into heavy traffic. I saw an opening and gave the gas pedal a full stomp. With horns blaring and fists waving the van leapt into the small opening. OK, the new van seems to have plenty of get up and go. The van handled the interstate well. It kept up with and even passed some traffic. It rode smooth and I even forgot that the trailer was there. The car I had just passed accelerated to pull even with the van. The passenger was hanging out of his window and the driver’s arm was extended well above his roof, both were giving me the single finger salute. My passengers saw them and wondered what had caused their behavior. I suggested maybe they just didn’t like Iowans, but the truth probably was I may have cut back into the lane, in their opinion, a little too soon. Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear, especially

when you can’t see the short trailer in the mirrors. We came to the end of the four lane. Now I was going to see how much power the van really had. As usual in Minnesota I got behind someone who didn’t know that pushing on the skinny pedal enabled their vehicle to go faster. I finally came to a flat and straight piece of highway. Was it long enough for me to get around him? I could see an on coming car in the distance, but I once again stomped on the gas. I felt the tension in the van rise as I pulled out to pass. The van down shifted and picked up speed, the opposing car flashed his lights at me, I flashed mine at him. The van continued to pick up speed, the tension in the van picked up speed as well. The back of the van was even with the slow roller and was still gaining speed. I thought I heard someone in the back reciting a Hail Mary. My personal guide who was trying to take a nap woke up. The van had up shifted and was almost maxed out for speed. I saw the nose of the oncoming car dive indicating he was braking hard. The trailer, that I couldn’t, cleared the nose of the turtle driver and I returned to my own lane with plenty of room, in my opinion, to spare. We met the on coming car and they too must not have liked Iowas and were giving us the Minnesota welcome. There was a collective sigh of relief

14 IOWA BOWHUNTERS ASSOCIATION

www.iowabowhunters.org