The Worlds Worst Teachers extract

THE WORLD’S WORST TEACHERS

As soon as he was put in his cot, Baby Pent was counting the beads above his head. Soon he was writing complex mathematical equations on the wall with his Alphabetti Spaghetti. It was when, as a toddler, he began giving his parents algebra homework that they knew for sure their little boy was destined to be a Maths teacher.

A DEMOLITION BALL.

As balls go, this has to be one of the biggest and heaviest there is. After all, it is made of steel and swung from a crane to destroy buildings. BISH! BASH! BOSH! Being a child whose fate it was to become a Maths teacher, it will not surprise you to learn that Master Pent had no time for toys or games or anything that might be considered fun. No, this mathematics-loving child filled his days with times tables, prime numbers, fractions, quadratic equations, trigonometry and (for most of us normal folk, the absolutely dreaded) long division.* One rainy afternoon, Master Pent was on his way home from his school Maths Club. Maths Club was the world’s most boring after-school club. Master Pent was, in fact,

One day, when Master Pent was just ten* years old, he suffered a terrible accident. The boy was struck on the head by a ball. Not just any ball.

* In some countries, long division is actually a form of torture. “NO! NO! NOT LONG DIVISION! ANYTHING BUT LONG DIVISION! I CONFESS!”

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* That’s 2 x 5, 7 + 3, 20 – 10, or 50 ÷ 5.

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