The Worlds Worst Teachers extract

THE WORLD’S WORST TEACHERS

MR PENT’S BALLS

A gobstopper from the mouth of the gardener. “BALLS! SPIT THAT OUT!” The globe from the Geography classroom. “BALLS! BALLS ARE FORBIDDEN ON SCHOOL PREMISES!” A suspicious-looking pea from the dining hall. “BALLS! THAT PEA COULD HAVE AN EYE OUT!” A string of pearls from round the neck of the headmistress, Mrs Staid.

“But, sir!” protested Roland. “It is not my fault that my head is round! I was born this way!” “NO BUTS, BOY! YOU AND YOUR HEAD

ARE CONFISCATED!” With that, Pent picked up the boy, tucked him under his arm and marched off down the school corridor before stuffing him in the cupboard.

SQUISH! SQUASH!

“BALLS! HEADMISTRESS! BALLS! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW BETTER! BALLS!” It was a CONFISCATION

SQUEESH! BOLT! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! “LET ME OUT!” cried

C A V A L C A D E!

the boy. “PLEASE! I HAVE EXAMS!” “NOT UNTIL YOUR HEAD CHANGES TO A SQUARER SHAPE! BALLS!”

“ B A L L S ! T H E G L O B U L A R S H A P E O F Y O U R H E A D I S I N C O N T R A V E N T I O N O F S C H O O L R U L E S ! ” Things came to a head the day a boy named Roland, who happened to have a rather round head, faced the full force of Pent’s fury. Pent was on a roll, which was odd for someone who hated anything that rolled.

Needless to say, this was the tipping point for the pupils at St Orb’s . With their friend Roland still stuck in the cupboard, they were now furious with Mr Pent. It was impossible to live under his tyranny a day longer.

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