journal d'une transition

235

This evening, as I prepare the room for the audition of Your Agenda, I realise how beautiful it is, how well and carefully C.E has waxed and tended it, making it a happy place… I go to him and kiss him and tell him that I see and appreciate it…

*17-8-1979, Auroville: Picking flowers a little after dawn, I find a beautiful young cobra moving about in the emptied pond. Watching it for a moment I realise it is not able to climb out over the smooth plastered sides, it keeps sliding back down; I go and get a good stick, fetch the camera, call C.E; P.G has also come limping over. When I bring the stick near it the cobra raises itself and opens its hood and starts blowing… and I can take many shots! At last it deigns to catch hold of the stick, coils itself along its length and we pull it out and it moves regally to its nearby hole… … Nearly all of my team mates are in bed… I work mostly with Kiran and P… The carpenters seem to rely on me to give them work, now… *18-8-1979, Auroville: P and I thoroughly clean the Chamber. We empty it and hose it down, till it is as ready as it can be at this stage. It is harmonious and almost tender between us. Narad brings a man from Baroda, Amba Prem – a penetrating and concentrated gaze in a small anonymous figure; I like the feel of his hands and the quest of his eyes. I am reading Mona S’s booklet on You, where he has recorded from memory, in his sometimes funny syntax, things You have told him… You speak about the true world You have built, for each and everyone to find their true place and movement of progress, the world into which all Your people will move as they overcome their egos… It gives me a different angle to look at Your Work, somewhat encouraging because, after all, it does sometimes look as if the will to change things HERE is, as You say, inadequate…! So perhaps there is some other, complementary process taking place simultaneously… *19-8-1979, Auroville: These days the notions I still have on what I must be or become are scattering away and I realise, with a deeper intensity, this: “Let me be what You want me to be! Let me feel, perceive and express whatever You want me to feel, perceive and express…!” And with this I am content: a sort of eternal progress isn’t it? … Miriam comes to see me; she wants me to visit her in her new house… C.E goes pale and uptight; I don’t know… … Gillian comes about the whole confusion with houses here, due to G.M’s will to move back here, using even his friends to get what he wants; it is obvious to everyone but him! … Narayana comes to me about the generator; this triggers the thought that, perhaps, things would be better organised if I was in a position to attribute and distribute tasks and functions. This sounds like a crazy ambition… But I see that quite a few of us here have the ability to be organisers, yet our wanting to be “together” in all things tends to annul each one’s capacities and to land us in the growing mess and waste we are in… There must be another way, which we are groping to find, what is it?