journal d'une transition

236

*20-8-1979, Auroville: What can one do in these conditions, without drawing on some vitality to bring in some dynamism and make things move? For so long now, for so many years I have been avoiding to use my vital being because I could not trust it enough, I knew it needed first to be purified, since it had the capacity to radiate and influence and this must be offered to You and made secure… And it is still not ready. So, what is one to do? Just to watch and endure, while everything seems to be dissolving, wasting away? Pray for a direct impulse and motion? … I am working with a larger team nowadays: Bill S and Marcia, M.L, D.W and Sally, Andy, D.S… are now part of it as well; G.M, though, reacts heavily to D.S’s suggestion that Dharman could also work with us. I have to intervene and remind G.M that it is not right for him to try and force others to agree with his positions, that he may take his own actions if he wishes to, but must respect each one’s views… *24-8-1979, Auroville: We spend the morning taking down the scaffold; it feels like kids playing, expanding, happy… When it is over, we look at one another, content. Abha, Pas and sometimes CL.A have started to come and help… Late this afternoon I ride down to “Aspiration” looking for a beads weaving-frame that has ended there by “mistake”, and locate it with Rhonda… After meeting with a few people there, I go over to Al.B’s to change the Agenda tapes; he is still resting, the infection is not yet healed; he takes it as a time of introspection… I was a little apprehensive that some formations might have come between us, but he welcomes me and we have a quiet time together. … Riding back I meet SSJ returning on foot from Matrimandir – his usual evening walk – and I am moved by something in his gait and his appearance, a fatigue, a sadness… I smile at him with all the affection I still feel for him… He calls me back, takes hold of my cycle and tells me, like opening to a friend with a need, that he is going on a pilgrimage to Amarnath… He is reaching for a sharing and I am touched. Here is a man whom everyone here now rejects and condemns and fears, and he is doing that simple thing that a man like Piero would be far too proud and self- imbued to even attempt to do… I don’t care what people think, I want to be faithful to each and every inner contact that is given, regardless of formations and opinions…! *29-8-1979, Auroville: This afternoon C.E decided to go to Pondy on his own. Since the day I hit him, we have both been most subdued! Sometimes it is helpful, but at other times it seems to widen the gap and let in more misunderstanding, but I am learning to offer it all with more honesty… The whole place here is so graceful and alive and present and rich and yet discreet, tranquil; the trees growing, the orange paths, the forms reflected in the pond quietly waving across its great pink blooms and smaller, purple-blue lilies: a little space, a little time, a bit of love and gratitude in Nature’s presence, the need of You, a little care, and everything can be born again!

*1-9-1979, Auroville: