journal d'une transition

250

At dinner, before the clean-up, I look at an issue of the “Auroville Lien” – they rather ought to call themselves the “Friends of the French Aurovilians”! – and I read the text of an interview with Satprem in which he passes on Your Mantra for everyone to use… This is still not clear to me, Mother! I had not trusted the way he had had it passed on to Auroville, in all that secrecy, with all that elitism, the whispered invitations to go to Luc’s house… And now it is all in the open! And I am still unsure: is it valid for every person, for every body? *15-10-1979, Auroville: There is so little joy left in our living together. I say to C.E that I feel like a transparent wall rising between our bond and this new indifference, or a distance that keeps filling with thoughts of separation; that I do not know any more how to break through it, when he does not appear to mind it… … The task is huge and we are ridiculously few. It makes me flinch back, today: the waste, the misunderstandings, the absence… P.G, Jacq and I go up: when we three are together, there is an interesting ground, a sort of positive alchemy, a basis for something else, each being effortlessly aware of each other’s place. At tea-break we all agree that we will use, for storing the wooden beams taken down from the towers, the shed where the carpenters nowadays spend the day- time playing cards, dozing and joking, all this inertia and dark weight becoming habitual, with the police hanging around day and night having nothing to do either… So, by 5 pm, when the carpenters have gone home, we begin tidying the area around the shed… and life’s humour winks at us…! Bit by bit we discover, hidden and hoarded in every corner and cranny, a treasure of tools…! Like a surprise gift made with a great gentle irony… we find not only all the tools that had disappeared, but quite a few more, brand new! The police are bemused, till they begin to understand what is happening and to see the fun of it too! *16-10-1979, Auroville: We have all become saturated with the ugliness of this situation which cannot honestly be ignored: this entire group of instrumentalised people, paid to merely sit there day after day; the police’s continuous presence ; the loose waste around, the papers flying, the radios playing, the poor jokes, the hostility, the teases, the inertia… and no resolution in sight! We are about ready to take any action, out of sheer frustration… So we are agreed that tomorrow morning we shall block the access to the area, and come what may…! We managed to do good work today! Being upset sometimes helps; we have done in a few hours what might have taken a few days… I don’t know about the yogic value, though! … This evening I tried to tell P.G of an action I have felt we should initiate, from a deeper perspective: to call for a kind of truce, a moment of concentration for everyone to call, to offer, to present the entire question before You, an offering to the Force of Change… But he rejects it: never will he sit, he says, with such people! And this is my friend, who usually understands me! So that gives me the tune of the others’ reactions to such an “idea”: no point in trying! … This question of “spiritual unity” is tricky and treacherous; everyone’s ambition is solicited… In the evening P.G tells me that Sj has approached him and Jacq – I had specifically warned Sj not to get carried away – with a thick written proposal for