journal d'une transition

251

“reconciliation” with the SAS… Here is someone who, I am afraid, is likely to loose his balance…! … Tonight I try again to talk with C.E: I admit that the way I have believed in complete sharing is not working; I ask that we try and find together the next step; even it that means to part from each other, we can still help one another in that… His response is a little more positive… *17-10-1979, Auroville: A few of us have met early at Matrimandir. G.M and Marcia, P.G, Pas, and we move towards the hills in the Gardens and select a spot; it is funny, because we have really no idea how it is going to work out. A few others join us. Then the carpenters begin to arrive, one by one and by different routes but, there is the thing: it IS a process, and it must happen in one spot, almost like hypnotism, or like a magnet… Fairly soon everyone, including the constables, has gathered on the hill…! Once in the morning I go out, down to “Aspiration”, to retrieve my parcel from the Post-Office; my copy of the Agenda 4 has come and I bring it back… At some point the inspiration comes to us that we should move away suddenly, and we shift all the way back to the Banyan tree, and the police stays behind, preventing the carpenters from following… Then the Inspector Thomas and his colleague come to meet us: they are quite taken by the humour of the whole scene and agree to issue orders sot that the carpenters stay over there… … It seems that the Coop members did not quite approve of our action; we sense a kind of moral reticence towards our “behaviour”… Later on, M.D comes to talk with us: there is some tension and he has obviously a “superiority” trouble, but what he has to say is interesting. He says that now is not the time to take further action regarding SSJ as new contacts are being established at different levels of officialdom towards an actual recognition of Auroville… … Today is Dadu’s birthday; there is a warm and generous feeling at dinner… *18-10-1979, Auroville: Riding together, P.G tells me something that makes me ponder: he says that he often has to struggle with himself not to go away, not to leave Auroville; that he’d be so relieved to find a good pretext to go out for some time… And I sense that this is exactly what makes him so noisy, in such an extroverted manner, just as it used to make F.S noisy until he could find a justification for going out and leave for a while, released… While for me it is almost the opposite experience: I find that it is only here that I can breathe and feel at home! And somehow it makes me feel like withdrawing just a little, not relying so much on P.G any more, and also paying a little more attention to what I really sense, regardless of any influence, including that of friendship… *19-10-1979, Auroville: I have had enough of this in-between, paralysing, simmering, unhealthy stand between C.E and I. We have to choose, one way or another. Do we trust our staying together enough to give it what it needs, or do we find it is now time to part and to move independently from each other…? When I talk to him, before work, I