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All through my life I’ve been accompanied by a little friend.
This friend knows just when I’ve screwed up
And never fails to tell.
This tiny voice inside my head tells me I’ll never succeed,
It tells me I’m incompetent and it accuses me.
Perhaps deep down I know it’s wrong, but it’s a voice I heed.
Every night I lay down and my mind is filled with thoughts
I hash out the events of the day
And my mind is filled with doubts.
What if I said this thing wrong? What if I acted like a fool?
Do these people even like me?
Do they think I’m cool?
When I’m out in society this voice tells me to hush.
Saying words could get me hurt, in silence I am safe.
Once again, my little friend shuts me up
Simple tasks become a chore as I’m afraid to get help.
What if the teacher thinks me dumb, what if the clerk laughs.
Even congratulating a friend becomes a huge chore,
As my frantic mind tells me, they don’t like me anymore.
As my mind spirals out of my control, I worry about my future.
That small test suddenly becomes big
The test could impact my class grade which lowers my GPA.
Without that perfect 4.0, I am a failure
I’ll never get into college, never achieve my goals.
It is so hard to hope and try when I truly know
I’ll never achieve what I try for, because I’m bound to fail.
My anxious mind affects every part of my life.
My stomach aches, my limbs shake, my mind breaks
And I fight an uphill battle each and every day.
Every day I fight to gain a little more success.
But I’m pushing a boulder up a hill
And just like Sisyphus, I can never succeed
and this boulder falls right back down on me.
My anxiety crushes me under a weight of pain.
So next time you see me, please
Look past the fact that I may be quiet, I may be odd
And please try to see me past the anxiety.
Every day I try you see, to make friends and function in society
But the thoughts in my brain hold me back
They ask me if I truly have friends
Am I even fully loved- does anyone truly like me?
Will I ever achieve my dreams? It seems very unlikely
This poem even is not that good, it’s subpar at best
The voice inside my head tells me I’ve failed yet again.
Please don’t judge, don’t feel pity
Just experience for a moment what it is like to live as me,
A frightened, nervous, worried girl
Who’s fighting to live free of her anxiety.
Anxiety
Abigail Davies
4.22