CBA Record April

SUMMARY

JUDGMENTS

REVIEWS, REVIEWS, REVIEWS!

Coupling and Uncoupling

The New Love Deal: Everything you Must

Know Before Marrying, Moving In or

Moving On

By Gemma Allen, Michele Lowrence and Terry

Savage

Reviewed By Steven Rakowski

he break-up of a committed relation-

ship is often a painful, turbulent

and stressful ordeal where people are

required to make significant financial deci-

sions at a time when emotional distress is

at its peak. “The New Love Deal” offers an

enjoyable, clear read on how best to have the

difficult conversation about money and its use

before the couple moves in together or oth-

erwise makes a commitment to one another.

A prenuptial agreement can enhance the

romance by reducing later conflict because

it forces couples to face fears and assump-

tions on issues that may later divide them.

Easier said than done, right?

But, what if one party has more wealth

or power than the other and one of the

parties feels that they have no voice? The

authors encourage readers to adopt a dif-

ferent outlook. Obviously, a person with

more power values something in the other.

There is an attraction. In the early stages of

a relationship, generally it is the most bal-

anced. That is precisely when a prenuptial

agreement should be discussed because

each person more readily recognizes what

the other brings to the relationship.

Replace Conflict with Compromise

To make it easier for couples to undertake

the difficult task, the authors provide

specific advice on how to begin the con-

versation. They suggest that the pathway

to meaningful communication is to share

your feelings and needs. Conflict is urged

to be replaced by compromise, and steps

are offered on how to avoid conflict in

planning a joint future. The authors stress

that talking about money is a critical part

of the new love deal.

After the conversation is finished and

a deal is made, the authors then explain

how to go about creating a prenuptial

agreement. Rules are shared from knowing

the law in your state to obtaining separate

lawyers. Myths are debunked, too. The

most common myth is that prenuptial

agreements are easily broken. Most often,

the “deal you make is the deal you take.”

You should never count on the judge to

make a better deal for you. Help is also

offered on how to pick a lawyer or mediator.

I was delighted to see that the authors

also mentioned “Collaborative Process” as

a method of deriving the prenuptial agree-

ment terms. The authors identify it as a

growing practice area that is a particularly

effective method when the parties are

willing to work toward a common goal.

This process is particularly well suited

to facilitating development of prenuptial

agreement terms because it focuses on the

Steven Rakowski is a domes-

tic relations attorney and a

member of the CBA’s Domes-

tic Relations Committee and

Legislative Subcommittees

The book is authored by three women

who have experienced perspectives on

divorce and relationships. Divorce attor-

ney Gemma Allen, retired Cook County

Domestic Relations Division judgeMichele

Lowrence, and financial consultant Terry

Savage share their knowledge about how to

increase the odds that a relationship will be

successful.

The authors stress that the key to a

successful relationship, traditional or non-

traditional, state certified or not, is com-

munication. That is not a new message and

you have all probably heard it in one form

or another. “Don’t go to sleep angry.” “Com-

munication to a relationship is like oxygen

to life.” “The way we communicate with

others ultimately determines the quality of

our lives.”Whereas these platitudes convey a

general message “The New Love Deal” delves

deeper - it points out the critical importance

of making sure you know your partner’s

expectations, needs and goals on money -

before moving in together or marrying.

The Pre-nup

The book begins by pointing out that

every form of committed relationship

has some aspects of a business deal. And

the business deal should be in writing - a

prenuptial agreement. Lowrence points

out that during her years on the bench, she

observed many divorces caused by differing

attitudes between the spouses on how to

manage money. She adds that if the couple

has the difficult conversations about their

attitudes on money and its use before a

commitment, they stand a much greater

chance of staying together.

A prenuptial agreement often gets a bad

rap. Many people view it as planning for

failure. The authors assure us otherwise:

APRIL/MAY 2016

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