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death (and therefore to his life). When that moment

arrives, when the time comes when there is no one left in

whom I can provoke a certain degree of shock, no one with

whom to share this blow, then that arduous moment will

have arrived when you must rebuild a life you have no wish

to rebuild, confront the absence, and return to the

landscape of boredom that you never wanted to revisit.

Because . . . No, no . . . I never want to feel the threat of

boredom hovering over me again . . . I’ll choose death

before that.

You have believed this ever since you met him.

Ever since you merged with him, you have thought: If he

isn’t here, I don’t want to be either.

And so?

What are you waiting for?

The two of you talked about it for years. Until your

daughter arrived (because when you have children

together, you can no longer tell the other



and not scare the hell out of them). For years

you did, in a manner of speaking, promise each other just

that. If not, what exactly does “I can’t live without you”

mean? Is it a lie? Is it a metaphor? What is it exactly?