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Bakhtiyar Ali
206
enemies could see me, as
soon as silence fell and no
creature made a sound,
a dark lust would surge
within me, the boards of
a different theatre would
fall into place and my soul
would become the stage
for something else. Any
yearning I had stifled in
the daytime, any desire or
lust I had hushed, would
surface in the shape of
weird creatures. I had
a feeling that a secret
power was drawing me
towards a different Earth
and Heaven, taking me
to another place where I
saw strange sights, naked
houris
and
ghilmans,
women beyond human
capacity to imagine, the
food and feasting God
has promised man only
in Paradise. In those dark
and secret alleyways, my
appearance changed in
frontofeverylooking-glass,
and each time I took on
a different shape as if it
were mine to choose, as
if God had granted me the
indulgence of seeking my
own appearance.
Oh,
my
fantasies
transported me to where
I could assume whatever
human form I wanted,
could give my body
whatever face I liked. It
was on those nights that
I became the author of
an anthology of ghazals.
When I summoned up
the courage to have the
poems published, no one
could believe that such
a shy and pious young
man could have written
such a book, a book that
hinted at blasphemy and
debauchery. It was the
harvest of darkness, the
harvest of my secret other
life. I responded quickly,
however, and denied it
was mine then kept myself