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half turned away, I minutely examine him as usual for signs
of the imminent fall: a worried look, a sudden movement of
the hand, a marked loss of zest for life and desire. But he
seems as untroubled as ever, feet planted wide apart,
scratching his nose, and there seem to be no other horrors
lying in store except for some bruises on his backside from
all the potholes in the road.
I am not worried, consoling myself with the fact that
everything in this world takes time. Just look at the spring
outside the window. It slides slowly towards fulfilment,
almost imperceptibly. The mere thought of my secret,
treacherous deeds makes me feel as light as a feather –
springlike, pale green.
Ragna has noticed the change, my good mood, and has
been surprisingly gentle of late. Before they leave, she
actually bares her teeth slightly, a small, encouraging smile
that tells me to take things easy until they get back. As soon
as she is out of the door, I slap my thighs, laugh and
chuckle to myself: If only she knew what I have been
thinking about for the past few weeks.
---
Finally, at last, I am alone again – it’s been too long since
the last time. I snuggle down in bed among the soft pillows,
the warm duvet. How nice to be undisturbed in the house,
so marvellous not to be a source of trouble or irritation. I