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7. A Fair Wind, A Following Sea
Yes, it was truly shocking. He said he needed to go to the loo
in the middle of what seemed to me the most important
conversation we had ever had. Like any good lover on the
brink of abandonment, I waited dutifully outside the Gents.
The distaste on his face as he came out screamed that I
should have left, that he was hoping I would be erased from
the world while he was gone. To save myself some pride, I
said I had only waited to say goodbye.
He said, “I’d drive you, but —”
The sentence hung in the air for a moment, renewing my
hopes, but then dropped away like a dead leaf from one of the
plane trees outside. I shook my head and said, “There’s no
need. I’ll walk a bit and take a taxi.”
With that, I turned and walked away from him. It worked. (It
always does.) He caught up quickly as I stepped out of the
building. He was mumbling something about meeting up
when he is back in Istanbul the following week. I uh-huhed
noncommitally. We reached the top of the cobbled path that
led from the conference center to the busy street. I stopped
briskly and shook his hand as if the last two months had not
happened. Something that resembled doubt passed through
his face, pleasing me enormously. I turned and marched
away, heels against the cobblestones. It was a cold autumn