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am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a wife… and I am a lesbian.
There, I finally said it… the dreaded “L” word. My partner (now
wife) and I have been together 29 years (legally married for
almost 3 years) and I can count on one hand the number of times
I have uttered that word (and even fewer times at work).
I started as a production supervisor in a time when there
weren’t very many women in production. I was too afraid to let
anyone know about my personal life. What if “they” didn’t accept
me? What if “they” didn’t like me anymore? What if “they”
won’t want to work with me? I found it easier to not talk about
my personal life. So much so, that I just kept not talking about it
for the last 21 years.
It wasn’t until several years ago, when my partner’s father
became very ill and I needed to take a few days off to support her,
that I even considered telling my then boss. So, I mustered up the
courage to ask for a few days off to be with my partner and her
dad. As I fumbled for the right words and finally said “my
partner,” my boss looked at me with a very comforting expression
and said, “You do realize you are the only one who doesn’t know
you are a lesbian?” Well, I was shocked and amazed at the same
time. How could everyone know? I had never said anything at
work. I had always been very careful not to say “she” or “her”
and, God forbid, call her by name.
What I have come to realize is “they” didn’t have the
problem... I did. I have spent so much time and effort making
sure I used the right pronoun or just said “we” and glazed over
any specifics that I have not been my authentic self. I have also
done a disservice to the most important person in my life. I was
I