169
1938: The Year of Decision
Do you endorse the reunification of Austria with the
German Reich, decreed on 13 March, 1938, and do you
cast your vote for the party of our leader, Adolf Hitler?
—Austrian referendum ballot, April 10, 1938
HE PREDAWN SKY, WHEN I opened the windows,
was as gray as on every other morning. I could hear
the grape pickers calling in the distance. I lit the
stove, humming a little song, made his breakfast—a cup of
tea and a slice of dark bread—aligned the knife and fork
according to his specifications. Everything had to be
perfect. I took the liberty of drawing a horizontal figure
eight with the plum jam. Hoping he wouldn’t take
exception to it. I was exaggerating my happiness a little: it
was my wedding day, the focus of many years of yearning. I
poured myself some tea to settle my nausea. I shined his
shoes, ironed his clothes care- fully and laid them all out on
a chair, attentive to the creases. My man’s clothes were
sometimes more expressive when he was somewhere else.
I’d banished dreams of a big church wedding with Vienna’s
high society in attendance—I’d worn white once already.
But this wedding, with its few guests, performed like a
tiresome formality, had a faintly sad smell to it. Crossing
the entrance hall, I saw a tired woman in the mirror. Was
this the young bride-to-be? I took out my bobby pins and
fluffed my hair. “Come on, girl, consider yourself happy and
T